


Falling Apart But Not Letting Go

by icegirl99



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Aziraphale Has PTSD (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has a Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has an Anxiety Disorder (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Blood and Injury, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Death Threats, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Forced Orgasm, Graphic Descriptions of Injuries, Hurt Aziraphale (Good Omens), Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Non-Consensual Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Protective Crowley (Good Omens), Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Separation Anxiety, Sexual Violence, Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:27:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29100996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icegirl99/pseuds/icegirl99
Summary: Crowley hasn't seen his angel in a few days, when Aziraphale does show up at his flat, Crowley finds him completely broken.Please read tags and warnings at the beginning of each chapter. If any of these tags or warnings trigger you please avoid reading.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 44
Kudos: 126





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter contains graphic descriptions of post violence and rape injuries. It's also highly emotional.
> 
> For purposes of this story, injuries inflicted by angels cannot be healed or miracled away.

Crowley didn't hear the quiet 'pop' of the sound that usually announced Aziraphale's appearance in his flat. Didn't see the physical presence of his angel, but he felt it...

He had been lounging on his chair, lazily staring at the TV. His eyes weren't exactly focused on it, he had a glass of wine in his hand and was riding out a pleasant buzz. 

A few days had passed since he had last seen Aziraphale. Not particularly unusual, but since things had changed recently between them, he thought that perhaps the angel needed a few days to sort his feelings out. 

Crowley had allowed this, not wanting to crowd Aziraphale. He knew the angel would come back to him. He always did. 

The demon had to admit that he hadn't expected Aziraphale to return for about a week. He had at least expected a phone call or a text from the mobile phone that Crowley had insisted Aziraphale get after Gabriel had tried to kill him. He had assured Aziraphale that this was to keep them both safe, when in reality it was really Crowley's way of assuring the safety of his angel, because heaven knows that Crowley would do anything to keep the angel safe, without giving a damn about himself. 

But there had been silence from Aziraphale. Until now.

The complex emotions rolling off the angel had his demon highly confused. They had always been attuned to each other's feelings. More so now that they had stopped trying to hide their affections for one another. 

The first time Crowley had kissed Aziraphale, he had felt the love and warmth of the angel. Ever since then it always surrounded the demon with calm and serenity whenever Aziraphale was near him. 

But this time...it was different; so much so that Crowley was unable to make sense of them. He sensed panic first and foremost, vulnerability, sorrow, anger, dread, and dare he say it, humiliation. 

None of Aziraphale's normal happiness and warmth was there, and Crowley instantly knew that something was horribly wrong with his angel. 

Heart suddenly jumping in his chest, the demon hopped out of his chair immediately. The sudden movement startled Aziraphale and he flinched away suddenly, backing up into the door with what appeared to be a gasp of pain. He folded his arms protectively around himself, head bowed and his eyes focused on his feet. The panic radiating off the angel seemed to double, as did his breathing. 

Crowley froze as he was forced to take in the sight of his beloved angel. 

Aziraphale's suit was disheveled and askew, a stark contrast to his normal pressed and put together look. He wasn't wearing his coat, his vest was undone and his shirt half pulled out from his trousers. The belt on his pants appeared to be overly tight and Crowley couldn't imagine why the angel would have done it like that. It looked to be overly uncomfortable. 

He couldn't see Aziraphale's face but his hair looked just as messy as his clothes, tangled even, like someone had cruelly pulled and twisted on it. 

"Angel?" Crowley spoke softly. He had already startled Aziraphale once and with the fear and panic radiating off him, he wasn't about to do it again. The angel didn't respond, made no indication that he even registered that Crowley was speaking to him. 

There was still a good few feet of physical distance between them. "May I come closer? You're worrying me, angel." Crowley tilted his head, trying to get a look at Aziraphale's face. 

Silence again. But after a long moment, Aziraphale jerked his head in a motion that Crowley could only assume was permission to approach. The demon sucked in a breath. The panic from Aziraphale was starting to make him fearful as well, but it was fear for his angel, not for himself. Crowley had no idea what had happened to his lover but as soon as he sucked in that deep breath, he knew. He could smell it. And immediately Crowley understood the feelings rolling off his angel. It flared anger...rage, within him. Unable to stop himself, the demon let out a snarl and a loud hiss. 

It wasn't directed at Aziraphale, but still the angel reacted involuntarily to it. He flinched and turned, body shaking so badly that his fingers fumbled with the doorknob, unable to turn it. 

Crowley's eyes fell on the back of Aziraphale's trousers and saw them stained in blood. Again his rage flared and he reached for Aziraphale to stop him from leaving. 

The aroma of Heaven suddenly overwhelmed Crowley and he had all he could do not to vomit. The overpowering scent of lavender and lilies had him gagging, but the smell of celestial arousal and cum…angelic sex had him heaving.

Crowley backed away from Aziraphale suddenly, almost missing the way the angel reacted to his almost-touch. Aziraphale recoiled and started sobbing as his hands fumbled uselessly against the locked door. 

It wasn't his fault that he couldn't get out, nor was it the demon's, at least not directly, as Crowley always kept his door locked. Aziraphale either had to knock or miracle himself in, which in his current state, he was surprised that the miracle had even worked properly. 

Crowley bent over his trash bin, heaving into it. Groaning as the alcohol burned his throat on the way back up. Good thing he didn't enjoy food as Aziraphale did, otherwise this would have been worse for his poor stomach. 

The demon closed his eyes, willing his body to stop the horrible act of vomiting, knowing that he needed to get back to Aziraphale before the poor abused angel found enough strength to miracle himself back out of Crowley's flat. 

Another heave and Crowley was finished. He washed his mouth out with a gulp of wine straight from the bottle and then miracled away the mess before straightening up and turning back around to the door. 

Aziraphale had slid down to the floor and was leaning back against the wall, curled up on his side, shaking. 

Crowley had to find a way to push his burning rage at the angel who had done this to his sweet Aziraphale. The demon had a good idea of who was responsible for this but he couldn't do anything about it at the moment. As much as he wanted to scream and yell, rage at Heaven for this, he wouldn't. His angel needed him to be calm and comforting. 

He swallowed and tried again, his heart breaking as he carefully approached the trembling, broken angel on the floor of his hallway. "Aziraphale?" Crowley kept his voice low, calm and as soothingly as he could. "Angel, can I touch you? I promise not to hurt you. But I need you to talk to me." He extended his hand slowly, open and upturned palm so that Aziraphale knew it wasn't a threat. "Just take my hand. It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise." 

Aziraphale jerked his head again, shaking it violently in fear, and Crowley caught the briefest of glimpses of his angel's beautiful face. A face that was black and blue, swollen, with scared wide blue eyes frantically looking away the second they detected the shock on the demon's own face.

Crowley knew now that not only had Aziraphale had been violated as he suspected, but that he had also been beaten as well. Crowley withdrew his hand, biting his lip. "Oh, angel," he sighed, swallowing as a lump formed in his throat. He looked away, blinking away his tears. 

Aziraphale suddenly pushed himself up, swaying as he did so. Crowley wasn't sure if it was from pain or something else. He fought the urge to reach out and steady the angel. "Unlock the door, Crowley," the words were faint, barely a whisper, broken and hoarse. It didn't sound like Aziraphale at all. The demon's heart lurched. "This was a mistake." His arms were still tightly wrapped around himself. 

When Crowley didn't do anything, Aziraphale continued. "Please...just let me go…" his voice broke and he sobbed. "I can't miracle myself home...I'm too weak...please." The angel lifted his eyes, his round blue eyes pleading. Tears rolled down bruised and puffy cheeks. He licked his dry lips where they had been bleeding. Crowley wasn't sure if Aziraphale had done that to himself, or if it was the handiwork of some bastard archangel, by biting them so hard. Either way it made his heart hurt in a way he hadn’t been sure was possible anymore. 

"No." He hadn't intended to make the angel flinch but he did, his hands flying up to cover his face. The way Aziraphale was reacting to his gentle voice had the demon feeling sick again. Was his angel so far gone that he was afraid of him? Crowley took a breath and tried again. "What I mean is, you need me right now, Aziraphale and I'm not going anywhere. If you want to go home, I'm going with you." 

Aziraphale sighed shakily. "Fine," he whispered. "I don't want to go. I just…" He bit his lip again, breaking up the barely scabbed over cut with a small whimper. "I didn't...I-I had no… I didn't want...you to see me like this." The angel dropped his head again, shame and vulnerability rolling off him. "I had nowhere else to go…" Sobs tore through the angel's chest again and the demon fought back his own.

Crowley nodded finally. His heart still beating wildly in his chest. "You're hurt, angel," Crowley whispered. He reached out again in the same way he had before, praying that Aziraphale would accept his comfort. "I want to help you...let me. Whatever you experienced, I promise to you that it's over now and I won't let you get hurt again." He made sure to say that last bit firmly but softly. Whether or not his angel believed that, the demon didn't know; he suspected that he didn't. 

But the trembling Aziraphale did take his hand, slowly and tentatively he reached out a shaking arm to take his demon's warm hand in his cold one. Crowley was immediately extremely saddened at the feel of Aziraphale's touch. It was cold and empty, limp and devoid of that soft warmth he had come to know so well lately. 

Crowley threaded their fingers together and squeezed ever so slightly. "See? No pain," he whispered, forcing a gentle smile. 

"Everything hurts…" Aziraphale cried. "My corporeal form...I can't…" He never finished that sentence, letting go of Crowley and collapsing again to the floor in uncontrollable sobs, his hands once again covering his face.

Crowley noticed that the angel's hands and his fingernails were broken and covered in dried blood. This didn't quite make sense to him but he said nothing about them. "Aziraphale," he whispered, getting down onto his knees. "I want to help you but I can't as long as you're sitting here on the floor in the doorway." 

Aziraphale finally gave in with a deep breath and dropped his hands, there was no point in covering his face anymore. Crowley had seen what had happened, what Gabriel had done to him. The shame was still there, still strong and so was the vulnerability, but Crowley had been nothing but gentle with him. He felt that at least for the moment, his demon wouldn't hurt him. 

Crowley saw the apprehension in Aziraphale's eyes. He decided to try something. He wasn't sure if he was even still capable of doing this since his fall from grace, but if nothing else he could send his love to his angel. He slowly reached out. "Can I cup your cheek, Aziraphale?" he asked. "You know I won't hurt you. I just want to try and calm you a bit. I can feel your distress and it hurts me too." The angel nodded. "I will be gentle. I know it hurts." 

Aziraphale swallowed and kept his eyes on Crowley's hand until it gently touched the angel's abused skin. The demon closed his eyes and pushed away the rage that was still boiling below the surface and tried to replace that with love and serenity. Normally only angels were able to do this, send calming energy to those in severe distress, but Crowley prayed that maybe because of their special connection that it might help calm the distraught angel. 

"You can't heal me," Aziraphale muttered after a moment. "Th-these...w-wounds are ar-archangel inflicted." Rage flared in Crowley and Aziraphale immediately recoiled, pushing the demon's hand away with a small cry. "Don't hurt me...please…I-I d-didn't do-do anything…" his voice shook with pure terror. 

Crowley fell backward, his golden eyes wide in shock. Aziraphale had thought that anger was directed at him. You stupid demon, Crowley thought. Can't keep your rage under control and now he is afraid of you too. He turned his head and hissed. The scent coming off Aziraphale wasn't helping. He needed to get things under control. Crowley knew what he needed to do but that would involve leaving his scared and vulnerable angel alone and he just couldn't do that right now. 

"I'm not going to hurt you," Crowley whispered, his voice surprisingly level. "Sorry. That rage wasn't directed at you, angel." He sighed quietly and looked up at Aziraphale. He was still shaking, his scared eyes darting around the room. So much for trying to calm him. Can't do anything right…

He needed to try again, he knew. He had to get Aziraphale off of the floor. "You can't be comfortable there," Crowley said quietly. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable." 

"I've been uncomfortable for days," the angel whispered, shakily. His legs were trembling even as he sat on the floor. "I'm cold…" 

"Your hand felt cold," Crowley said. "I'm not surprised." He snapped his fingers and a warm soft blanket was miracled over Aziraphale's trembling form. The angel pulled it up to his chin and Crowley felt a new emotion coming from him. Aziraphale felt exposed. Damn those fucking angels. Heaven was supposed to be forgiving and loving, not cold and hateful. 

Crowley closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "I need to know what happened to you, angel," he said quietly. "I can't help you with your pain if you won't talk to me…" Aziraphale said nothing. "I don't need details but I need to know where you're injured." There was his shame again. The angel looked away and pulled the blanket over his head, crying once more. 

"I don't know," Aziraphale cried. "I've told you, my corporeal form hurts everywhere!" He tried to yell that last part but his throat was too sore, so it sounded more like a pathetic attempt at anger that was nowhere near as forceful as Aziraphale meant it to be.

Crowley knew that his angel wasn't fully intending on directing that at him. Still, it made his chest tighten in sorrow. 

Suddenly the angel screamed, a horrible and heartbreaking sound and Crowley wondered if something had physically hurt him in that moment, but Aziraphale pushed the blanket away, getting onto his knees and sobbing. "My wings, darling," he whispered. "He hurt those too…" 

The demon's breath caught as Aziraphale revealed his wings to him. The angel's once soft and pristine white feathers had been ripped out in spots, leaving them bleeding and bruised. Most spots were scabbed over at this point and looked like they had begun the healing process but Crowley knew that there was a chance that they would never be the same again. He also knew that Aziraphale hadn't been completely honest with him. This kind of abuse wouldn't cause pain on his corporeal form, it would hurt his essence. The very thing that made his angel who he was. Crowley let a single tear escape and run down his cheek. 

Even in Hell it was forbidden to touch a fallen angel's wings for torture purposes. This would scar Aziraphale's essence for eternity and there was nothing either of them could do to completely heal the damage. Any remaining scars would remain.

Bastards!  
Crowley thought. He wanted to reach out and gently inspect the wounds but Aziraphale sobbed loudly, and put them away. "Aziraphale," Crowley swallowed. "You said 'he did this'. Who was it?" The demon knew exactly who had done these unspeakable acts of violence to his beloved angel but he needed to hear it from Aziraphale himself. 

The angel looked at his demon and shook his head. "I shouldn't even be here," he whispered in a new panic as if he had only just realized what was happening. "He'll be back and he knows exactly where to find me when he does." 

Crowley frowned, now more concerned. "What do you mean?" Aziraphale didn't say anything, just shook his head. He was still in the same position he had been in when he showed Crowley his damaged wings. His arms trembled with the effort of holding himself up and finally gave out. His exhausted body falling onto the floor once more. 

"Ga-Gabriel...h-he will look for me...here." Aziraphale shivered and rolled over, curling up in a ball and shaking uncontrollably. 

Crowley let out another loud hiss, but then looked down at the angel. "I need you to get off the floor, Aziraphale," he said firmly. "Come on, now." He reached for Aziraphale but the angel stayed in his current position. 

"No." The words were broken and Crowley couldn't force Aziraphale. The thought of how his angel might react was too heartbreaking. 

Instead he got up and started rummaging through his kitchen drawers. "What are you doing?" Aziraphale whispered, raising his head, daring to grab the blanket that he had tossed aside. He covered himself with it, pulling it up to his chin again. 

"I can't ban holy celestial beings from entering," Crowley said as he gathered the supplies he needed to do the ritual. "But I can ban anyone else from entering this flat. Celestial or human." He paused, setting the items down on his table. "But please, angel. I need you to move. You are too close to the door. I don't want to accidentally banish you." 

Aziraphale nodded slowly, knowing that his demon was only trying to protect him. "I...I am in too much pain to move…" He dropped his head in shame. 

Crowley looked down at the angel, his golden eyes sympathetic. "May I?" He bent over with his arms held out. Aziraphale watched him carefully but didn't move or speak. Crowley stopped, not doing anything without the angel's permission. 

Once Aziraphale realized that Crowley wasn't forcing this on him, he nodded, indicating that he was alright with Crowley moving him. "Sorry if this hurts," Crowley muttered an apology as he carefully lifted Aziraphale from the floor, making sure to keep him covered with the blanket and trying to ignore the sharp intake of breath from Aziraphale as he did so. He was heavy but the demon managed to move his angel into the bedroom. "On your back or your side?" he asked quietly. 

To be honest, for Aziraphale it wouldn't matter how he lay as it would hurt regardless. He was fairly certain that he had broken ribs and his bottom...well he couldn't even think about that. He choked back a sob.

His left side bore the oldest of the injuries so he decided that was best. "Left side," he muttered back. "Can...can you put me under the covers?" Crowley noticed the exposed feeling on his angel again. 

Without a word, the demon snapped his fingers on the hand that supported Aziraphale's knees and his blankets were pushed back with just enough room to lay his angel down in the bed. "Do you want to keep the blanket I miracled for you?" Crowley asked, referring to the one currently covering Aziraphale. The angel nodded and Crowley tucked the blanket around Aziraphale snugly but left it so that he could still move without needing to untangle himself. Finally he covered his angel with the sheets and blanket already on the bed. "Good?" Crowley asked and once again Aziraphale nodded.

"This pillow smells like you," the angel whispered. It seemed like Aziraphale had already started to relax, his body no longer shaking violently. 

"I would expect it to," Crowley said with a small smile. He was glad that it comforted his hurt angel. "I sleep here." Normally he would have expected Aziraphale to roll his eyes at him stating the obvious, but this time the angel whimpered instead. "Sorry, no more jokes." 

"Not that," Aziraphale whispered. "Pain…" Crowley didn't reply, he knew that they would need to sort that out soon but didn't know if Aziraphale was ready for it. There was something else he needed to do in the meantime. 

The demon slowly reached down to pet a hand over his angel's soft blonde curls. Aziraphale whimpered again and Crowley almost pulled away. "Sorry," the demon whispered again, stilling his hand now. He lifted it. "Angel, I have to perform the ritual now before we end up with an unwanted visitor." He immediately picked up on Aziraphale's increased breathing. "It's okay," Crowley quickly soothed. "I will do it quickly and then return here. If something happens I will miracle us out of here. No one is going to harm you." Aziraphale licked his lips and nodded. 

Crowley snapped his fingers and a cup of cool water appeared on the bedside table next to Aziraphale's head. The angel glanced at it. It had a lid with a straw. If he didn't feel so awful he would have said something along the lines of 'I'm not a child, dear. I don't need a straw.' But he knew it would allow him to soothe his sore throat without worrying about spilling it on himself. "It's just water," Crowley whispered, leaning over and tentatively placing a gentle, tender kiss to his temple. "Drink it for me, it will help you."

Aziraphale whimpered, not wanting to be alone but nodded. It took everything within him not to grab the demon's arm to force him to stay. Panic made his heart race and his breathing quicken. 

"You're scared," Crowley said. It wasn't a question. "I will be back soon. The ritual doesn't take long. You're safe here. Everything will be okay." Crowley forced himself to believe it. He had to, otherwise his broken angel would never heal from whatever atrocities that fucking sick and pathetic excuse for an archangel Gabriel had done to him. 

"I know," Aziraphale said, refusing to meet his demon's concerned golden gaze. He untangled an arm from the blankets but reached for the cup instead. His hand was steadier now. He took a small drink and set it back down before finally raising his gaze to Crowley's. 

The demon smiled at him lovingly, and that was all Aziraphale needed at the moment. Peace and love washed over him briefly and he relaxed. "I'm okay for now, dear," Aziraphale whispered. "Go." 

Crowley nodded; leaning down and kissing Aziraphale's temple again, leaving his love for his angel while he hurried out of the bedroom to perform the ritual.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale is surprised by the sudden appearance of his superior, the archangel Gabriel. He is even more surprised at what the archangel has in store for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings (please read these, along with the tags, they have been updated to include the content of this chapter): 
> 
> Graphic descriptions of torture, rape, a death threat, suicidal thoughts, blood and injuries, forced orgasms. 
> 
> If ANY of the above is triggering to you, please do not read. This chapter can be skipped if needed but it deals with happened to Aziraphale so we can understand why he is so broken.

Three Days Prior

Aziraphale was sitting at his desk in the back room of his bookshop, sitting open in his lap was a newly acquired one. He was paging through it, a cup of tea in his hand. He was humming quietly, occasionally glancing up at the clock as the time slowly moved toward the time when he would close the shop to go and meet Crowley for dinner. 

The sound of the bell over the door had the angel glancing up from his book. “Hello, Aziraphale.” The archangel Gabriel smirked at him as the book fell out of his lap and to the floor. 

Anxiety washed over Aziraphale. His superior wasn’t supposed to be here. The body switch with Crowley had made sure of that. They were afraid of him now...or rather they were afraid of his demon boyfriend. 

“Gabriel,” Aziraphale replied, voice already shaking. He set his tea down on the table beside him and stood, clasping his hands together nervously. His heart had already started to race and although he didn’t need to breathe, he couldn’t stop himself from increasing his breath as he felt like he would suffocate otherwise. “What ar-are you doing here?” 

“I’ve come to have a chat, Aziraphale.” Gabriel didn’t ask to be invited to sit, but he did, taking a seat in the chair that Crowley often occupied. He wrinkled his nose. “Smells like demon.”

Aziraphale averted his gaze and made a small sound that Grabriel couldn’t quite place. “Yes, well, I don’t know about that.” 

Gabriel stood and approached Aziraphale. “You didn’t expect me to believe that now, did you?” the archangel hummed, the look in his violet eyes told Aziraphale that he had been caught. Heaven had already suspected that he and Crowley were involved. After all, that was the reason for the body switch in the first place. What Aziraphale didn’t suspect was that Gabriel knew that they were also fucking. “I can smell him on you.” His nostrils flared.

Aziraphale sucked in a shaky breath as Gabriel got closer. Instinctively he moved backward, falling back into his chair with a quiet gasp as his bottom made contact with the cushion. The archangel didn’t relent at the very obvious panic rolling off of the other angel. Instead he relished it with a dark laugh. “You claim to not know why I’m here,” Gabriel sneered and he leaned over Aziraphale’s cowering body. He reached out and ran a finger down the angel’s face. The finger was wet with some sort of clear liquid. It made the angel shudder and immediately raise a hand to stop him. 

Gabriel caught his wrist and gripped it hard enough to bruise. “Stop,” Aziraphale whispered, desperately, his wide eyes staring wildly into the archangel’s. Aziraphale tried to pull his arm away but Gabriel wouldn’t let him, instead forcing his arm behind his back. 

He continued as if Aziraphale hadn’t said anything at all. “But I think, deep down, you do know why I’m here.” The angel shook his head at his superior. Gabriel’s free hand went from his cheek to his neck and gripped it just as tightly. “Oh you do, Aziraphale. You’ve been fucking that demon and I am here to make sure that he doesn’t taint your Heavenly essence with his disgusting cum.” Gabriel spat out the last two words. 

Aziraphale was trembling now, his body shaking with uncontrollable fear and shame, he dropped his head but stayed silent. The way the archangel was talking and looking at him made him want to run, but he couldn’t move. He tried to will himself to perform a miracle, to get out of his shop to the safety of his demon’s flat.

“Not going to deny it, I see,” Gabriel continued. 

“What did you do to me?” Aziraphale asked, voice shaking just as much as his body now. His heart was racing still and his head was starting to spin. 

The archangel smirked again. “Can’t perform a miracle to run to your filthy boyfriend?” Aziraphale again didn’t answer. “I marked you with a power dampening potion. You can’t perform even a minor miracle for a few hours.” 

“No…” Aziraphale whispered, panicked. He didn’t know what Gabriel intended to do to him but it most certainly scared him. He glanced at the clock, praying that it was almost time for Crowley to pick him up. It wasn’t.

Gabriel followed his gaze. “I have locked your shop and barred it from entry by any celestial entity. Including your demon. No one will disturb us until I’m finished with you.” 

Aziraphale swallowed down the lump in his throat. “Finished with me?” He looked up at Gabriel with pleading eyes.

“Oh yes, by the time I’m done with you, you won’t be having any more impure thoughts.” 

The angel barely had time to react to those words as he was yanked off his chair by Gabriel taking a fistful of his hair and twisting violently. Aziraphale cried out as his scalp burned, reaching up and clawing at Gabriel’s hand. The archangel roughly threw Aziraphale to the floor, making the angel stumble and fall on his hands and knees. His palms and kneecaps ached from the impact. Despite the pain, Aziraphale desperately tried to climb to his feet. He had almost made it when Gabriel’s hand made hard and swift contact with his left cheek. 

Stunned and disoriented from the pain, the angel fell back to the floor, this time landing on his bottom at the archangel’s feet. Tears formed in Aziraphale’s eyes as his face throbbed with the heat of the instant bruises that developed on his plump cheek. He raised his hand to cover his face. “Why are you doing this?” Aziraphale cried, again begging the archangel with his eyes for mercy. He noticed that when he tried to talk that he must have bitten his cheek when Gabriel had stricken him as he tasted blood. 

“Because you just never learn,” Gabriel said. “If you refuse to listen to us, I will just have to beat the obedience into you.” Aziraphale tried to move away again, scrambling to get to his feet, but he couldn’t see straight. His vision blurred as he tried to move and was struck again before receiving a swift kick to his ribs. 

The angel cried out, gasping and doubling over in pain. “Stop! Please…” Aziraphale couldn’t move, he had never felt such pain in his long existence, struggling to catch his breath but not able to take a full one because of the sharp shooting agony in his left side. Even the one time he had discorporated wasn’t this painful. It was just like falling asleep. Oh how he wished he could sleep now. 

“Not until I am satisfied that you won’t betray us again,” Gabriel said. “I know what you did, Aziraphale. I know that you swapped bodies with a demon. I know it was your boyfriend.” The archangel grabbed Aziraphale by the front of his shirt, pulling his arm away from his face. “I know you’re fucking him. The very idea disgusts me to my core, Aziraphale. An angel covered with the disgusting scent of Hell.” He snapped his fingers and the angel’s clothes disappeared. 

Aziraphale recoiled, shivering from the chill of the cool air on his exposed skin. His heart pounded and he desperately tried kicking at Gabriel. “No!” the angel screamed, frantic. He knew what was coming and he wanted nothing more than to get out of here. 

Gabriel easily avoided Aziraphale’s kick. The angel was disoriented from the blow to his head and his overwhelming fear, and his attempts at fighting back really were futile. “Don’t fight this, Aziraphale. It will only make things worse.” Gabriel snapped his fingers and the angel’s hands were bound with a glowing, holy rope. “Don’t make me gag you as well.” Aziraphale went to open his mouth but Gabriel was quick with his next miracle as the angel’s mouth was taped shut. 

Aziraphale cried and groaned, trying to scream his protests at Gabriel but the archangel didn’t seem to care. As much as Gabriel wanted to watch the horror and pain in the angel’s eyes when he forced himself on Aziraphale, the sex that Aziraphale had chosen for himself didn’t quite allow that without putting him in a position to shove Gabriel off of him. So the archangel grabbed Aziraphale by the hair once more and flipped him over. “Try to kick me again and I’ll pin you to the floor while I do this,” Gabriel sneered. He pushed Aziraphale down so that his shoulders were on the carpet while his bottom was stuck up in the air. 

The angel whimpered and closed his legs, keeping them together. His body was still trembling violently. Gabriel laughed and shoved his own leg in between Aziraphale’s. The angel had no choice but to spread them as wide as Gabriel wanted. 

Aziraphale sobbed, turning his head so that the side of his face that was untouched was pressed to the floor. His head throbbed with what he assumed was a massive migraine. He had never suffered from a headache before but it made his stomach turn. He wanted to vomit. 

A moment later Gabriel grabbed a hold of his hips and pulled them back. Another snap of his fingers and Gabriel’s trousers were off. He grabbed his erection and pushed it against Aziraphale’s bottom. 

Another sob tore through the angel and he squeezed his eyes shut. He tried pleading again but the sounds were too muffled due to the tape over his mouth. He wept as images of Crowley entered his mind. The demon looked down at the angel, a disgusted look on his face. Aziraphale was naked and being violated by Gabriel while his demon watched. The look on Crowley’s face told Aziraphale that he deserved this. He needed to be punished. It was wrong of him to want Crowley, to kiss him and to…

Aziraphale cried out as blinding pain shot through him. It burned and ached in the worst way possible as Gabriel roughly forced himself inside of Aziraphale. His legs shook and gave out, falling flat onto the carpet. Gabriel just took this as an opportunity to push himself even deeper into Aziraphale, rocking his hips and forcing the angel’s penis to rub against the rough carpet below him. 

The burning pain inside of him refused to subside even after minutes of Gabriel fucking him. A warm slickness seemed to appear pretty quickly and Aziraphale didn’t need to see it to know that it was blood. There was no way Gabriel would have miracled lube and there was no way he could have. 

Aziraphale turned his head once more as the shame of what was happening to him started to overtake his emotions and he just wept, lying motionless on the floor and praying for the pain to stop. 

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, Gabriel grunted and Aziraphale knew that he had finished. The archangel stopped his movements, pushing himself deep into the angel for a moment until finally, he withdrew himself. 

Gabriel clicked his tongue and grabbed Aziraphale roughly by the shoulder, flipping him over. “Look at the mess that you have made all over me,” he said. Aziraphale refused to look at him. He squeezed his eyes shut, tears streaking down his bruised face. The throbbing pain and warm stickiness between his legs made him sob. 

The next thing the angel registered was that he was being grabbed again, his hair being painfully pulled as his head was forced up. “Open your eyes, look at me, you pathetic excuse for an angel, slut,” Gabriel spat. Aziraphale forced his eyes open. “That’s a good Aziraphale.” The archangel snapped his fingers and the tape was gone from Aziraphale’s mouth. The angel gasped and fell forward, sobbing. 

“Wh-why?” Aziraphale sobbed. His entire body hurt and he wanted Gabriel gone. He wanted to hurt Gabriel, but he didn’t have the strength to do any of that. 

“I’ve told you,” Gabriel said. “It seems as if this punishment wasn’t enough. You really are as dense as the humans, Aziraphale. No wonder you love them.” He backhanded Aziraphale across the face, forcing him to bite his lip. It started to sting and bleed immediately but was nothing compared to the throbbing pain between his legs and in his head. He gasped and kept his head down. The archangel faked being in thought for a moment. He reached for Aziraphale’s chin, forcing it up. “Open.” It wasn’t a request. “You’ll clean off my cock while I decide how to continue your punishment. You even think about biting me and I’ll beat you until you can’t get off the floor for days. Understood?” 

Aziraphale’s eyes widened as he saw Gabriel’s mostly flaccid penis, it was covered in his blood and Gabriel’s fluids. But he nodded, not wanting to know what other brutal punishment the archangel had in store for him if he refused or fought back. He parted his swollen lips and dipped his head, crying as he took the tip of Gabriel’s penis into his mouth and licked it. The coppery taste of his own blood and the archangel’s cum was sickening and he gagged immediately, sobbing. 

“Don’t you dare vomit either. Nastly little thing humans do. You throw up on me and you will regret it.” 

Aziraphale said nothing, just did as he was told, silently crying and praying for this horrible nightmare to end. He wanted nothing more than to be in the arms of his beloved demon right now. He wanted to listen to Crowley whisper words of comfort to him. But he knew that wouldn’t happen. He had been tainted by Gabriel. The smell of the archangel was on him now and the scent of sex between two angels lingered longer than that of an angel with any other being. He couldn’t wash it away if he tried. He couldn’t miracle it away either. This reality tore at his heart and his chest started to hurt. Sobs continued to tear through him and Aziraphale gasped with the breath he didn’t actually need to live. But that breath was the only thing that was keeping him in reality. Even if it was a reality he didn’t want to live in anymore…

When he was done, the angel pulled off Gabriel and the archangel glanced down with a satisfied smile. “You did good, Aziraphale.” Aziraphale sighed in relief, as he thought he had finally pleased his superior. “On your knees,” Gabriel ordered and the angel looked up at him with wide fearful and confused eyes.

“B-but….I-I please-pleased you…” Aziraphale begged helplessly. 

“I told you that you still needed more punishment. Now, on your knees.” He yanked the angel into the position that he wanted him before standing and snapping his fingers. 

Gabriel’s trousers had returned so Aziraphale was able to get a brief moment of relief. But what he was ordered to do next, had his stomach dropping. “Show me your wings.” The feeling of overwhelming fear and panic radiating off the Aziraphale had Gabriel grinning. “Now. Don’t make me ask twice.” 

“N-no...no, no, no...please Ga-Gabriel...I-I’ll do anything...any-anything you want...b-but not my-my wings...pl-please…” Aziraphale felt nothing but his heart pounding in his chest. The instinct to attempt to flee was high again, and his body started once more with the uncontrollable shaking, but not from pain. Now, that Aziraphale could deal with, but if Gabriel were to touch, to damage his wings. They would never be the same again. He would be marked with scars and his fellow angels would know that he had been sinful. 

“Now, Aziraphale,” Gabriel repeated sternly. “If you promise not to scream, I won’t whip you. But you make one sound and I’ll miracle a holy whip and you’ll be left with more than just scarred wings.” 

Aziraphale’s eyes went wide. The whip would leave permanent marks on his essence, not just his wings. He wouldn’t need to show his wings for his fellow angels to know that he had been punished for sinful behavior. “I-I pro-promise.” The angel bowed his head and exposed his wings.

Gabriel smiled down at Aziraphale, stepping behind him. “Good.” He started by lightly running his fingers along the soft, fluffy and full feathers of Aziraphale’s pure white wings. It took everything within him to hold still, especially once Gabriel fisted each hand into the feathers and yanked roughly. 

Aziraphale managed to keep quiet but he almost nearly fell over as a searing pain shot through each spot where the archangel ripped out his feathers. Gabriel steadied him. “Hold yourself up. You collapse before I’m finished and I’ll whip you for that as well.” Aziraphale did not dare make a sound, but nodded instead. 

Gabriel didn’t say anything to knowledge that he had noticed the angel’s pained nod. He just continued moving down Aziraphale’s wings, pulling and tugging where he felt the whim. The more his wings were tortured, the closer Aziraphale became to slipping unconscious. He knew it wouldn’t come though as that level of pain would likely drive his corporeal form to discorporation and Gabriel wouldn’t stand for that. This was likely why he was focusing on something that his corporation wouldn’t feel. Aziraphale himself still felt it though, every sting and every throbbing pain from having his wings mutilated by the archangel. He knew they were bleeding and he couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. 

Aziraphale’s head was spinning again by the time Gabriel removed his hands from him. The archangel stood and walked around to face Aziraphale. He smirked and sat down casually in the chair that Aziraphale had been in when Gabriel had entered the shop earlier. He crossed his legs and watched the broken and naked angel fall forward onto his floor, sobbing uncontrollably.  
~*~

Aziraphale wasn’t sure how many days had passed. He was unable to keep track of the time. Gabriel, regardless of his hate of earth, never left him. Every two hours, he would touch Aziraphale’s face with his fingers, applying the potion that prevented him from using his powers. Because of this, the angel was unable to heal. His wounds were kept open from Gabriel beating him whenever he felt the need. He would still force himself on Aziraphale but he kept those to a minimum. Most times he just groped Aziraphale as he forced the angel to do things for him. The angel learned pretty quickly just how much rug burn hurt on genitals as Gabriel had reached between his legs later in the day, squeezing him and stroking. He became angry when Aziraphale didn’t grow hard under his ministrations and went to work on his wings again, pulling out new feathers and ripping scabs off healing wounds. 

The angel was laying weakly on the floor where Gabriel had left him after a particularly painful session on his wings. He had learned not to cry out while the archangel was torturing him. Doing so only made Gabriel angrier when he forced himself on Aziraphale. When the archangel miracled his own trousers off, Aziraphale didn’t respond, not having the energy to even push himself up. “Fine,” Gabriel said after realizing that Aziraphale wasn’t going to move on his own. “I’m not in the mood to hold you up while I fuck you.” For a moment, Aziraphale thought that he might actually be left alone. But that was nothing more than wishful thinking, he realized quickly. Gabriel reached out and pushed him onto his back, Aziraphale blankly stared up at the ceiling as he did this. The angel had reached a point where he didn’t feel much anymore when Gabriel violated him. His corporeal form was in too much pain to register at the moment, yet it refused to die. His essence was hurting so much as well but he knew there was no escaping that. Aziraphale just felt empty. 

But his eyes focused when Gabriel straddled his face. It was a sight Aziraphale knew he would never forget, the archangel’s bottom inches away from his tired eyes, balls hanging so that they just touched his lips. Aziraphale wanted to turn his head but couldn’t. “Lick,” Gabriel ordered. “Suck and lick me until I cum on your chest. I’ll touch myself while you do this but you know the rules otherwise.” 

The angel made no sound, didn’t nod, just did as he was told and soon Gabriel was pushing down onto him. Panic overcame Aziraphale as he tried to breathe. He knew he didn’t need to but he felt like he was being smothered. He reached up and pushed as hard as he could on Gabriel’s bottom. “Stop,” Aziraphale cried out weakly, as he forced his head to the side. Big mistake.

The archangel got up off Aziraphale and immediately struck his face. Not once, not twice, but five or six times until he couldn’t see and he was pretty sure that he had finally pissed Gabriel off to the point where he didn’t care if Aziraphale discorporated or not. But the archangel stopped after leaving the angel’s face swollen, bruised and bloody. “You’ll do as I say, slut, or I will whip you next time. I’m tired of threatening you with it. Maybe I should just bring it out now…” 

Aziraphale wasn’t sure how he found the strength to move or how he stayed conscious. “No...ple-please...n-no wh-whip...f-fuck me in-instead...Gabriel….pl-ease…”

“No.” The answer was final, Aziraphale prepared himself for the pain he knew was about to come. 

But through some real miracle, Gabriel didn’t whip him. Instead he forced Aziraphale down on his hands and knees. “You want me to fuck you, my pretty little angel slut? Fine. But I’m going to make this a little better for you this time. Maybe you need some mercy? Hmm? Would that help?” 

Aziraphale was confused. Seconds ago Gabriel was beating him senseless and now he was asking Aziraphale if he wanted to show him some mercy? “I-I do-don’t under-understand.” Aziraphale was sobbing again. 

“I can make you feel good, Aziraphale. I’m willing to make you feel good, but last time we tried this, you refused to give me the chance.” Gabriel gave him that horrible icy smile that Aziraphale had come to associate with some of his most humiliating punishments. “Perhaps this is what you need to forget about that filthy snake boyfriend of yours. I can bring you pleasure too, you just need to let me.” 

Aziraphale swallowed as his heart lurched at the thought of Crowley. He wouldn’t want him anymore. Violated now so many times by Gabriel. His beloved demon would never take him back. He was broken and completely under the mercy of his archangel superior. 

“Give your body to me fully, Aziraphale and I won’t throw you into the Hellfire when I’m done with you.” 

Maybe the idea of the Hellfire wasn’t so bad, Aziraphale thought miserably. Anything had to be better than this. 

Gabriel continued talking. “Will you allow me this? It will hurt less.” 

Defeated, the angel nodded. He wasn’t even sure that he could give this to Gabriel but he had to try. There was a small spark of hope in him that maybe, just maybe, Crowley still loved him. Although Aziraphale didn’t know how he was going to return to his demon, he had to try and that meant not letting go. He had fallen apart but he made a silent promise to Crowley that he wouldn’t give up. Not yet. 

Tears rolled down the angel’s face as Gabriel pushed him down further, forcing him to spread his legs again. He closed his eyes and bit his lip hard, tasting more blood as he prepared for the pain of the archangel thrusting into him without any lube or preparation. It hurt fiercely but Aziraphale knew better than to cry out, so he silently cried, only letting out a sob when Gabriel reached around him to grab his flaccid penis and started stroking it. 

Apart from the initial rough thrust when he first entered him, Gabriel was being surprisingly gentle, waiting a moment or two for the pain in Aziraphale’s bottom to start to wane from the extreme burn before he started slowly rocking his hips. Still the angel could feel the blood after the first few thrusts. The archangel kept this up, along with his hand on Aziraphale, and soon, much to the angel’s shame, Aziraphale slowly grew hard. He let out a sob as Gabriel squeezed him and then began a faster jerking and thrusting. Still not as rough as he had been, but enough to keep Aziraphale hard until finally, the angel felt the tension release and he came with a loud cry of frustration and humiliation. Gabriel thrust a few more times and grunted through his release. 

Aziraphale collapsed to the floor, not caring what would become of him for not obeying Gabriel’s commands regarding staying still, and sobbed uncontrollably. He felt complete shame at letting his abuser and rapist give him an orgasm. 

“That wasn’t so bad, now, was it?” Gabriel sneered at him. Aziraphale didn’t look at him, instead squeezing his eyes shut and trying to breathe through the waves of humiliation. He wanted to curl up in a ball and hide from everyone. He was naked and exposed and he wanted nothing more than a small piece of cloth to cover his shame. 

Gabriel lifted his head suddenly. “Ah, home is calling,” he said. “I’ll leave you with that little mess while you think about whether or not you want to make this happen every time. You do and I will spare your wings from more mutilation.” He stood and snapped his fingers, his trousers appeared on his legs. “I will return in less than two hours to reapply the power suppression potion. I’ll know if you try to leave this place, and I will not be pleased if you do.” With another snap of his fingers, Gabriel disappeared, leaving Aziraphale on the floor. 

The angel was used to the silence. Gabriel never really said much while he wasn’t abusing or raping Aziraphale. The archangel would often browse through the shop, looking through the books. The angel suspected that his superior never actually read any. 

Somehow Aziraphale was able to process that he was finally alone. Gabriel had left and if there was ever a chance of getting to Crowley, it was now. He lifted his head and whimpered. The pain was excruciating but he needed this. He needed to know if his demon still loved him. 

Aziraphale didn’t know how long it had been since Gabriel had touched his face but it felt like a while. Perhaps the archangel had misjudged the time and should have reapplied the potion before he left. Regardless, both his corporeal form and his essence were drained and Aziraphale was pretty sure he couldn’t perform a single miracle, even if he wasn’t still under the effects of the potion. But he had to try. This was his only chance at getting out of this horrible nightmare. 

Taking in as deep a breath as he could, the angel tried to calm himself. He envisioned putting his clothes back on and snapped his fingers. It worked; or rather it mostly worked. Aziraphale looked down wearily at himself and noticed that while he was dressed, he didn’t look put together at all. His clothes were wrinkled with his coat missing, his vest wide open, and his shirt half tucked into his trousers. Aziraphale’s hands immediately went to his belt and he tightened as far as he could stand it, making it difficult to remove without a miracle. Not that it would ever stop Gabriel but it made him feel slightly safer and less exposed. 

If he could perform this little miracle without much going wrong, perhaps he could try something a little harder. But this one was more dangerous, so many things could go wrong. He could end up across town, in the middle of nowhere or he could discorporate himself. Either way, Aziraphale knew he had to risk it. He wondered if this was some sort of survival instinct kicking in because he didn’t understand how he managed to gather enough energy to snap his fingers and miracle himself into the doorway of his beloved demon’s flat. 

Aziraphale wasn’t even sure it worked at first. He blinked as he looked around the dark flat. He heard Crowley’s TV going but didn’t register anything else, not even the demon’s presence until he suddenly appeared in front of Aziraphale, startling him and making him jump backward in fear.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley finds Aziraphale in the shower after making sure that his flat is secure against Gabriel. He gets the angel talking and eventually cleaned up and back to the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The warnings that applied to the first chapter, apply here as well. 
> 
> This chapter contains graphic descriptions of post violence, rape injuries, blood and some minor self harm.

Crowley worked quickly. He didn't like that he had to leave Aziraphale alone while he cast the spell, but he also knew that the angel was at least safe. 

Back in the bedroom, Aziraphale had started trembling again. He didn't know why he was panicking about being alone, the past few days he would have given anything to be alone. But now, he wanted his demon. 

Crowley was only in the other room but the angel felt so scared. The worst thing was that Aziraphale couldn't quite place why. Maybe it was because he still feared that Gabriel would find a way in? To torture him again, or worse, rape him in front of his beloved demon. 

Flashes of the scene his panicked brain had come up with while Gabriel had been violating him suddenly came rushing back to him. Aziraphale couldn't stop the tears or his fears of Crowley rejecting him because of it. The demon had to know that he'd let the archangel touch him. The scent of angelic sex was strong to demons, Aziraphale knew, and even more because of the archangel. The image of Gabriel jerking him to orgasm had Aziraphale's heart racing with humiliation.

A new feeling washed over the angel and he felt the urge to get up. Not caring about being covered anymore, the angel tossed off the covers, quickly climbing to his feet. The movements hurt but he didn't care, he had an overwhelming urge to scrub himself clean of his shame. 

Aziraphale knew that it was likely the smell of him and Gabriel that had made his demon vomit earlier and he wanted nothing more than to rid himself of that scent. 

Aziraphale stumbled around, looking for Crowley's bathroom. He found it fairly quickly, it was just off the side of his bedroom. There wasn't a bathtub in there, just a large walk in shower with large glass doors. It was impeccably clean and the angel knew that it wasn't used often. Showers for them wasn't a necessity, it was a pleasure.

He left the lights off and closed the door. He couldn't see as well as Crowley in the dark but Aziraphale somehow managed not to trip over anything as he hastily stripped with shaking hands. He caught a brief glance at his trousers on the floor and bit back a sob, another reminder of the shame he felt at being violated. The angel's heart leapt at the thought of Crowley seeing that. 

My darling demon must not want me anymore, Aziraphale thought with an angry sob. He knows I'm Gabriel's now. Whether I want to be or not. 

Aziraphale's fingers fumbled with the taps, finally turning them on once he stepped into the shower. He left the water hot, almost scalding, but not enough to bring him too much physical pain. He was punishing himself for letting this happen. 

There was a washcloth in the shower and he grabbed it, immediately wetting it and starting on his stomach where the dried evidence of his own humiliation was. He scrubbed at his soft skin, sobbing as he did so. "No..no..no," the angel cried as panic washed over him like the hot water falling from above him. It wasn't coming off. He could still see it. He scrubbed harder. The skin turned red with his efforts. 

The angel caught a glimpse of his penis that looked red and raw as well. The delicate skin there was inflamed and sore from being handled so roughly. Aziraphale wished that he didn't have it anymore, however he had neither the will nor strength to change it. Besides he wasn't sure he would feel any better with a vulva. It would still hurt and he wasn't about to let Gabriel take that from him either. The angel knew who he was, what sex he was most comfortable in. Regardless, it just wouldn't feel right, no matter the details of what had happened to him. 

Eventually he threw the cloth at the wall angrily and decided that scratching the evidence off would work better. When all that did was further irritate his already damaged skin, he gave up, sinking to the floor and pulling his knees up to his chest. Aziraphale sat there, sobbing and trembling uncontrollably.

~*~

Crowley had just finished with the ritual and once he made sure that it was working, he snapped his fingers to put away the supplies and headed for the bedroom. 

He didn't need to get close to hear the water running in his bathroom. That had meant that his angel had gotten out of the bed. 

Crowley's suspicions were confirmed when he found his bed empty. The bathroom door was closed, which didn't surprise him. He approached it. "Aziraphale?" he called, loud enough so that he could be heard over the water but hopefully not loud enough to startle the angel. 

There was silence from his beloved angel, except for the quiet but unmistakable weeping coming out of Aziraphale. "Angel, I'm going to miracle this door open if you don't," Crowley said. Again, silence. The demon sighed and snapped his fingers. The lock clicked and swung open. 

Aziraphale was huddled up in the front right corner of the shower. His knees were pulled tightly to his chest, hot water carelessly pouring onto his head where it had flattened his blonde curls and was washing away his tears. 

The demon knew immediately that it was going to prove difficult to get his angel out of the shower without getting in there with him. Crowley didn't want to make the situation worse by removing all his clothes as Aziraphale might get triggered by it, so instead he miracled himself into swimming trunks. 

"I'm coming in there with you," Crowley said. The angel lifted his head slowly to look the demon in the eyes. He didn't protest and so Crowley took that to mean that Aziraphale was at least okay with it. 

Crowley opened the shower door and stepped in. "You are wearing swimming trunks," the angel whispered. 

The demon forced a smile. "Yeah, well, more comfortable than what I was wearing before." Aziraphale nodded slightly, not saying anything else. 

Crowley sat down on the shower floor beside him. Neither of them said anything for a few moments. Crowley noticed the water starting to get cold so he miracled more hot water. "Is the heat helping your pain?" The angel nodded again, it was soothing the tension in his body from trembling so much. His muscles ached from the effort of keeping his body in constant fear mode. 

"I am glad it is helping," the demon said and then swallowed. He could no longer sense the fear rolling off Aziraphale but the other emotions were still there. 

"You are still here…" the words sounded desperate coming out of the angel's lips. 

Crowley looked confused. "Of course I'm still here, angel. Where else would I be? You're sitting in my shower." 

"Yes, well, maybe if I were not you would have left by now." Aziraphale looked away in shame. 

Now the demon understood. "Aziraphale," he said as softly as he could. "I love you...Fuck I've loved you since Eden...for 6000 long years, angel...I'm not about to stop now…and neither are you. I'm not exactly sure of the moment when you first started loving me, but I know you were at least somewhat fond of me back then." He attempted to give the angel a warm smile. 

"Consecrated ground," Aziraphale whispered quietly. 

Crowley tilted his head at Aziraphale. "What's that now?" 

"1941, you saved me and my books from the Nazis." The demon nodded, he had known exactly what the angel was referring to when he had first said it. He just wanted to keep Aziraphale talking, even if his beloved angel's voice was empty and hollow. It pained him to hear him talk with dead emotion. A spark of anger flared within Crowley again. He would make Gabriel pay for this. 

Aziraphale continued, briefly distracting him from his anger. "But you are correct, I was fond of you from the beginning. It just took me all those years to realize that I was in love with you."

“Silly angel.” Crowley muttered in an attempt at humor.

Silence fell over them once more, only the sound of the water met their ears. Aziraphale was still silently crying when he spoke again. "I was worried that you would not want me after what Gabriel had done to me. I know you smell him on me." The angel let out a badly suppressed sob. 

Crowley couldn't deny it, not after Aziraphale had acknowledged it himself. His rage threatened to flare once more. "Gabriel violated and tortured you, Aziraphale," Crowley said, unable to keep the anger out of his voice. "I saw the blood on your trousers. He fucking raped you, angel! And I'll kill the bastard for it. I fucking swear…!" 

There it was again; the panic. Aziraphale tried to move away, trembling with fear. "Pl-please…" he begged quietly. "I-I'm so-so s-s...sorry…" It took the demon a moment to realize that he wasn't begging for Crowley to leave Gabriel alone. Aziraphale was blaming himself for this. The despair the demon felt at this made his chest tighten and his stomach lurch. 

Crowley looked at his angel, his eyes burning with the intense hatred for the archangel. That faded though once he realized what he'd done with his outburst. He took a deep breath. "Don't be sorry, angel. It's my fault, I shouldn't have gotten upset in front of you…Not while all of this is still so fresh in your mind…" He paused. "Although what that fucking sick excuse for an archangel did to you does change things, it doesn't change my feelings for you, Aziraphale. I still love you." Crowley tentatively reached out a hand slowly to the angel. 

Aziraphale just watched him, letting the demon gently cup his bruised cheek. "B-but you said...things did change." The angel's eyes looked scared. 

Crowley smiled and lightly rubbed his thumb along the angel's cheek. Aziraphale leaned into the comforting touch. "We survived 6000 years without physical intimate contact. We can do it again. I won't touch you sexually unless you wish me to. I won’t even be mad if you say yes and then change your mind. One word and we stop when you want." 

Aziraphale bit his lip and regarded that statement for a moment. Finally he nodded. He did still want sex from his demon but he wasn't sure if he would be ready any time soon. The words Crowley spoke comforted him. "I lost my trust in you, Crowley," the angel admitted quietly. "I am sorry, but our relationship is still so new. At least in the sense that we have only just begun to fully explore our feelings for one another. I thought that because I am so broken, you would give me back to Gabriel." 

"Never." Crowley lifted an eyebrow at Aziraphale, giving him a small smile. It was genuine though and not covering feelings of sadness. "You're stuck with me until the moment Hellfire takes you, or holy water takes me."

Aziraphale was chewing on his lip again. Gabriel's words ghosted his thoughts and he flinched. 

The demon pulled his hand away. "Did I say something?"

The angel swallowed before he answered. "It’s...it is just that Gabriel threatened to kill me with Hellfire if I refused to give in to his...well…" Aziraphale dropped his head. 

"Oh...sorry," Crowley whispered, wanting nothing more than to kill that bastard archangel right at that moment. He pushed that urge away however. There was still the matter of tending to his beloved angel's injuries and he realized that Aziraphale might not be receptive to that. But Crowley knew it had to be done. He sighed. "Aziraphale…" he started quietly. 

To his slight surprise, the angel actually raised his head. "I need to...um...well I need to tend to your injuries since I cannot heal them." 

Aziraphale shook his head and moved further away from him. Crowley wanted to sigh but he didn't, knowing that the angel didn't need Crowley to voice his frustrations right now, even if they weren't directed at him. "Yo-you cannot…" The angel took in a sharp breath followed by a whimper of pain. "They w-will heal on their own." 

"Yes," Crowley said. "But I want to make your pain better, love." Aziraphale was radiating strong shame and humiliation now. The demon decided to try a different approach. "I've seen you naked before, angel. You're beautiful and that hasn't changed. Your body may be bruised, but it's still the body I fell in love with." 

Aziraphale shook his head again and swallowed, feeling dirty again. "There is something else you need to know…" He lifted apologetic blue eyes to meet concerned golden ones. "You may not have noticed it because of Gabriel's scent b-but…" The angel's breathing had increased significantly, he wasn't sure that he could even tell Crowley. He didn't have to. 

The demon focused his senses, mainly the sense of smell, and flared his nostrils to take in a deep breath. 

Crowley knew what Aziraphale smelled like, not just his normal angelic aroma, but also what the angel smelled like when he was sexually aroused and afterward...Crowley caught the distinct scent of his angel's own cum on his body. 

The demon narrowed his eyes and hissed, although quietly and not at the terrified angel in front of him. "Did he...force that on you?" Crowley asked in disbelief. Aziraphale nodded, sobbing again and trying to mutter a string of unneeded apologies. Crowley didn't hear him. 

There weren't many worse ways to humiliate your victim when you're raping them than forcing them to have an orgasm as well, Crowley thought miserably. The demon didn't quite understand the physiology behind how it was even possible for someone to have an orgasm while being violated. He had been on this earth for many years without ever bothering to study anything regarding the bodies he and Aziraphale inhabited, but he suspected it was some sort of physical response in an attempt to reduce the pain. 

Crowley took a moment to calm himself and tried once more to think about what he would do to help ease Aziraphale's pain. "Angel, will you let me help you?" Aziraphale looked up at him again briefly but there was no response. "If nothing else, I'd like to see your injuries so that I can monitor them while they heal." 

"The-they will heal faster now that I can use my powers again." Crowley frowned at that statement, confused again. “He used some sort of potion on me...one that did not allow me to use any miracles until it wore off.”

“This was temporary?” the demon inquired.

Aziraphale nodded. “Yes,” he whispered. “W-while…” The angel paused for a moment and shivered suddenly. Crowley miracled more hot water. “Thank you, dear...how long have I been gone? How-how many days have passed since we were supposed to have our date?” 

“Three days,” Crowley said. “When I went to pick you up, your shop was closed and there was no sign of you, so I assumed that you needed more time to work through your feelings.” He shrugged. “I’m sorry I didn’t investigate it further. I could have saved you a lot of pain.”

The angel shook his head. “Gabriel said you would not have been able to get in anyway. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this...I could not miracle myself out of the shop because he used some sort of potion on me to stop me from doing so...either way I would have been too weak.”

“Angel,” Crowley said, shifting and stretching his legs out. “How did you miracle out of there? Did Gabriel forget to use this potion you mentioned?” 

“I am not sure,” Aziraphale spoke quietly. “I do not remember much...It seems that is the probable answer...he was being called back to Heaven. He had to leave, but the way he left me...I managed to miracle my clothing on but I was not sure that I could even get here…”

“But you did, and that’s what important, angel,” Crowley assured him. “I am glad you were able to gather enough energy not to mess up the miracle.”

“Yes, well, that could have happened, I did not care at the time.” Aziraphale sighed quietly and looked away, biting his lip. “I feel dirty,” he whispered, barely audible. 

Crowley chewed on his own lip, not not sure how to respond. He had felt that emotion from his angel, but didn’t comment on it. He didn’t think it would help Aziraphale if he said anything about it. “I know,” he finally spoke. “I can feel everything that you are feeling, Aziraphale. Just not your physical pain.” 

“I am truly sorry, dear,” the angel whispered back. “I can hide my emotions if you do not wish to know them.” 

“Don’t,” the demon said. “I want to feel them so that I can understand what I need to do to keep you from being scared so much...I’ll admit, at first, I didn’t know what to do with them, but I’m starting to get pretty good at reading you now, angel.” Aziraphale didn’t say anything. “Can I see you?” Crowley tried again. 

Aziraphale sat there for a moment, with the humiliation and shame slightly increasing. “I am not going to hurt you or judge you for anything, Aziraphale,” Crowley said. “I only wish to tend to your wounds. I am not going to leave you for this. I love you, angel.” 

The angel thought for a moment. He still felt dirty and exposed but he wasn’t overly scared anymore. He did feel safe here with his demon. Finally, Aziraphale nodded. He didn’t move though, looking uncertain and slightly afraid again. Crowley gave him a sympathetic smile. “Stand?” The demon got up and offered a hand to the angel. 

Aziraphale didn’t take it right away, sitting there for another few moments, just staring off into the wall. Crowley thought he had lost him again, but eventually the angel did reach for the demon’s outstretched hand. He took the warm hand in his own and allowed Crowley to pull him to his feet. 

The demon made a point to keep his eyes on Aziraphale’s, not looking down right away. The angel’s legs shook and he let go of Crowley’s hand to wrap his arms around his body. “I am shameful,” Aziraphale whispered quietly. 

“I know,” Crowley said. “I can sense your emotions, remember?” The angel nodded. “It’s okay, remember, I love you.” The demon wanted to kiss Aziraphale but he wouldn’t. He filed the thought away for later, when his angel was feeling a little better he’d ask him if it was okay for Crowley to kiss him. “Ready?” He slowly reached for Aziraphale’s arms. “I’ll be gentle and I won’t touch you anywhere you don’t want me to.” 

The angel kept quiet but nodded and didn’t try to pull away when Crowley lightly took Aziraphale’s wrists and moved them to his sides. The angel dropped his head and started weeping as Crowley’s eyes looked over his bruised body. 

Other than the fresh bruises on his face, Crowley couldn’t see any new ones on Aziraphale. The ones over his ribs were dark but didn’t look like they were newly inflicted. They were likely at least a day or two old. 

The scratch marks on his stomach were a different story. Aziraphale’s pale and soft skin was red and had been broken open from it. This all looked fresh to the demon and he knew that Gabriel hadn’t done this to his angel. “These scratch marks,” Crowley said gently. “Did you do these to yourself? It’s okay if you did, I’m just trying to understand.” 

“I-I…” Aziraphale cried. “Yes…” He chewed his lip, tasting the blood when he bit it too hard and the cut there started bleeding again. He tried to cover himself again with his arms, but Crowley caught them. “No...let go.” 

The demon did as the angel asked, immediately regretting reaching for Aziraphale’s wrists. “Sorry,” Crowley whispered. 

Even with his arms tightly wrapped around his chest, Crowley could still see between the angel’s legs. His penis was red and raw as well and Crowley didn’t suspect that Aziraphale had done that to himself. He suspected it to be something that Gabriel had done to him. There was no way Aziraphale had inflicted that much damage to his genitals on his own. 

Crowley’s heart ached as he raised his eyes again to his angel’s beautiful blue ones. There were tears pouring out of those eyes and the demon fought back his own. “Can you turn around for me?” It wasn’t a command, and Crowley wouldn’t force Aziraphale to do it if he refused. 

The angel obliged and Crowley had to fight back a gasp when he saw Aziraphale’s back. It seems that this side of his body had taken the brunt of the abuse. His shoulders were bruised, as was his bottom and thighs, covered in hand-shaped purple welts. Crowley suspected that while Gabriel had mutilated Aziraphale’s wings, he had also done some serious damage to the angel’s shoulders. Dried blood ran down the inside of Aziraphale’s thighs where the water hadn’t quite reached. 

Crowley looked around and found the discarded washcloth that the angel had used to attempt to wash off his stomach. While Aziraphale had washed off the actual evidence of his shame, they both knew it had been there. 

The angel watched Crowley bend to pick up the cloth with wide eyes. “You need to be cleaned up a little more,” Crowley explained softly, not mentioning what exactly needed to be washed off him. 

For some reason it didn’t click in the demon’s mind that he should have at least asked permission before he reached to start washing Aziraphale. At the slightest touch, the angel cried out and squeezed his legs shut. “Stop,” he cried, turning and giving Crowley a push with his hand. 

The demon looked stunned for a moment before he realized that he had broken a promise to the angel. “Oh...shit. I’m sorry, Aziraphale. I’m not going to touch you anymore without asking first. I didn’t think and for that I’m sorry.” He passed the angel the cloth. “Here, it’s probably best if you do it instead.” This time Crowley crossed his arms over his own chest and stepped back, upset at himself for making such a stupid move. You idiot, he thought. Can’t do anything right. Be careful with him from now on, you don’t want to lose what you’ve waited so long for. 

Aziraphale stared at the cloth in his hand, Crowley didn’t think he was actually looking at it though. “Um…” the angel started. “Where?...” He hoped that the demon knew what he was asking. 

“Your thighs, love,” Crowley replied. “Please don’t scrub too hard. I can look after you’re done, if you want to make sure it’s all gone.” 

Aziraphale nodded. “Can you…?” He made a motion with his hand that suggested that he wanted Crowley facing the other way while he did this. 

The demon nodded and turned around. “You know, you don’t need to be embarrassed.” 

“I know, but right now I cannot help it.” Crowley couldn’t argue with that statement. He let Aziraphale have his privacy while he cleaned himself up. “I am done,” the angel announced after a few moments. “Can you check?” 

“Yes,” Crowley replied. “Turn back around for me, angel. I won’t touch, just look. I promise.” Aziraphale nodded and turned so that his demon could inspect his backside again. It was clean. “You’re okay.” 

“I want to go back to bed,” Aziraphale said quietly. “I am in so much pain and I would like to sleep.” 

The demon nodded and reached around to shut off the taps. “Can you miracle yourself dry or do you want a towel?” 

“I do not think I should be performing any miracles for the time being, no matter how small.” 

“Understandable,” Crowley said before miracling a bath towel for his angel. He handed the large fluffy and warmed towel to Aziraphale and then miracled himself dry and into a pair of black silk pajamas. 

The angel wrapped himself up tightly in the towel, feeling exposed again. “Thank you dear.” 

“I love you, Aziraphale,” Crowley replied. “I hope you know that.” 

“I do,” the angel said. “I love you too.” He blinked a few times and a couple of tears escaped. “I need to sleep now.” 

“I can miracle you some pajamas. I don’t think you want to sleep in those clothes you had on earlier.” He followed Aziraphale back to the bedroom. 

“That would be nice.” Crowley snapped his fingers and Aziraphale was wearing pajamas similar to ones he always wore, light blue cotton and old fashioned looking. There was a brief moment where the angel appeared uncomfortable.

“Did I do something wrong?” The demon sat down beside Aziraphale. 

“No, not directly,” Aziraphale said. “Gabriel...he would miracle away my clothes when he wanted to…” The angel stopped talking. 

“You do not need to explain, angel,” Crowley said gently. “No more miracles for you without permission first.”

Aziraphale smiled ever so slightly before shifting to lay down in the spot he had been in earlier. He pulled the miracled blanket over the top of himself before pulling on the rest of the covers as well. Crowley lay down next to him, close enough so that Aziraphale could feel his presence but not touching him. 

A minute or so passed and the demon noticed his angel crying quietly. He turned his head to look at Aziraphale. “Are you in too much pain, angel? I can attempt to miracle a little bit of it away, or I can try to conjure up some human pain medication. I don’t know if it will help or not.” 

Aziraphale sniffled through a sob. “I am but that’s not why I’m crying,” the angel whispered. “I want you to hold me but I’m too afraid to ask.” 

“Oh,” Crowley said, but didn’t continue right away. “Well, I could ask. May I hold you, angel?” 

“Yes, Crowley, please,” Aziraphale cried. The demon couldn’t deny his angel this. He slid over and gently, carefully, pulled Aziraphale to him.

Crowley wrapped his arm around the angel’s back, and brought his hand up to his hair. He gently petted through Aziraphale’s soft curls. “Shh…” he soothed. “It’s okay. You’re safe here.” 

Something inside Aziraphale broke and he sobbed uncontrollably, burying his face in his demon’s chest and clawing at the front of his pajama shirt. Crowley just held him, whispering words of comfort, until after a long while he felt Aziraphale’s breathing level out and he knew his angel had fallen into a peaceful sleep. It must have been the first real rest Aziraphale had had in days.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale struggles with sleeping and develops feelings of separation anxiety. Crowley tries his best to comfort him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing really strong for warnings with this chapter. Some talk of blood and injuries, panic attacks, and angst.

For the next several days, Aziraphale drifted in and out of sleep. Crowley found that his angel would often wake from a distressing dream which then led to Crowley having to comfort him until he got tired enough to fall back asleep. 

This would happen often, probably once every few hours. The first few times, the demon could do nothing but hold on tightly to his crying angel and attempt to soothe him back to sleep with reassurances that he was safe. This would work but only after an hour or so of Aziraphale sobbing into Crowley's chest and the demon stroking and kissing the top of the angel's head softly. 

He suspected that the level of pain Aziraphale was experiencing was high, although the angel rarely complained about it. Most of the emotions Crowley felt coming from Aziraphale now were shame and despair. His angel had fallen into a state of depression brought on by the humiliation and pain he was made to experience at the hands of that bastard archangel. 

Crowley knew that Aziraphale was safe in his flat and in his bed, so he could have gotten out of the bed if he'd needed to and not have to worry excessively over the angel. Yet he did. Something in the way that Aziraphale clung to him, even while he slept, told the demon that it wasn't a good idea to leave his angel alone. Not until he felt a little bit better. 

Early on the second morning, Aziraphale woke gasping for breath and muttering the words 'no, please, and stop,' over and over again. Crowley had fallen asleep himself, lying in bed for an entire day and comforting a distressed angel had made him exhausted. 

The demon was quick to regain consciousness though. His golden eyes drifted open to find terrified blue ones gazing intently at him. "Angel?" Crowley whispered with a yawn. "It's okay. You're safe." He gently wrapped his arms around Aziraphale's back, mindful of the bruises on the angel's body. 

"I'm afraid he will find us, Crowley," Aziraphale said, voice hoarse and shaking. "When he does, he will no doubt kill us both." His eyes were frightened, pupils blown wide in fear. 

"No," Crowley replied firmly. "I'm not going to let that happen." 

The tears that had been threatening to fall from the angel's eyes did so. "But you can't know that," he cried. "Oh Crowley, whatever shall we do?" 

Truth be told, the demon had come up with a bit of a plan while his angel had been sleeping but he hadn't yet worked out the fine details. It involved Hellfire and a summoning spell. "I've been working out a plan, angel, but for now you mustn't worry about that. You need to focus on yourself. Your body and your essence need to heal. You need rest." He gently urged Aziraphale's head back down to his chest and the angel obliged, settling back down and wrapping his arms tightly around Crowley. 

"I don't want you to go," Aziraphale cried softly. Crowley didn't think he'd ever been squeezed so hard before from the angel. This worried him. 

"What do you mean, Aziraphale?" 

“Please don’t leave me here alone.” The angel let out a wrecked sob. 

Crowley still didn’t understand. He could feel the absolute anxiety pouring off Aziraphale but he couldn’t tell exactly what it was directed at. “Angel, are you worrying that I’m going to leave you again? That I don’t want you because of what happened to you?” Aziraphale didn’t say anything, just continued to weep with his face buried in his demon’s chest. 

Crowley gently moved his hand from the angel’s hair to his shoulders and lightly pushed him back. The demon immediately regretted that, as Aziraphale cried out and tightly fisted his hands in Crowley’s pajama shirt. The intensity at which the fear was rolling off his angel seemed to double. “No, please, darling…” 

“Alright, it’s okay, angel. I’m sorry,” Crowley soothed, worry etched on his face. “But, will you look at me a moment, Aziraphale?” There was a sharp intake of breath from Aziraphale before he finally lifted his head slightly, enough to look up at the demon with pain-filled pale blue eyes. “I’m not going to leave you, Aziraphale,” Crowley said firmly. “I know you need to hear this often, and I’m willing to offer it as often as you need, I love you, angel. I’ve stuck around for 6000 years, even after we’ve fought, I’ve always returned to you. That will never change.” 

The angel sniffled once and brought a hand up to swipe at his eyes. “Thank you, but it’s not that,” he whispered. 

“Then what is it?” Crowley said. “I want to help you, but you’re not giving me anything here to work with, angel. Help a demon out, will ya?” He offered a gentle smile with a raised eyebrow. 

“I just want you here with me...I need your physical presence,” Aziraphale seemed ashamed of it as he quickly diverted his gaze after saying it and dipped his head again. 

Crowley just nodded. If his angel wanted him to stay by his side, he wouldn’t deny him that. He knew that Aziraphale found comfort in being physically near him and that was a big part of what the angel would need to heal from what Gabriel had put him through. “I’ll stay, angel, don’t worry. I promise.” 

Aziraphale sighed in relief and put his head back down on the demon’s chest, pressing his forehead into the spot above Crowley’s heart. “I would not like to be alone right now, dear,” he said. 

“I know,” Crowley said, taking Aziraphale back in his embrace. He gently rubbed up and down the angel’s back as he pondered a thought. He knew how to bring more comfort to his angel but he was worried about how Aziraphale would react if he did it without asking first. “Angel?” 

“Yes, darling?” 

The demon bit his lip for a moment before replying. “I wish to wrap you up in my wings, but I am worried that it might trigger you. Considering the state of your own…” 

It took Aziraphale a long moment to respond. The angel didn’t say anything, instead looking back up at his demon with tears streaming down his face. He revealed his own wings, bruised and bloody. Crowley swallowed as he held eye contact with the vulnerable angel, and revealed his own wings; black, full, and soft. “Wrap me up, love,” Aziraphale whispered through his tears. “Feeling yours against me will help mine heal.” He whimpered, and broke down into heavy sobs as he tucked his damaged wings around the demon and Crowley wrapped his around both of them, completely shielding them from the outside world while he held his crying angel. 

Immediately Aziraphale felt safe and comforted. His sobs calmed as he took deep, soothing breaths. “I’ve got you, angel,” Crowley whispered, placing a tender kiss to the angel’s temple. “I’ll always have you.” He reached for Aziraphale’s hands and threaded their fingers together, bringing one up to his lips and kissing the back of it. 

Aziraphale let out a shaky sigh and closed his eyes, letting his broken and beaten body relax into the warmth of his fallen angel’s embrace. Exhaustion eventually overtook Aziraphale and he drifted off to sleep. Crowley didn’t move them until his angel woke again. 

~*~

This time Aziraphale slept for much longer. If Crowley had been anything but a demon, he would have been horribly uncomfortable sitting the way he had been, holding Aziraphale close and wrapped up in his wings. Crowley didn’t bother to keep track of the time, but he knew it had to be somewhere between 15 and 20 hours. 

The demon felt his angel shift and groan quietly. “Angel? Are you awake?” Crowley asked quietly. 

Aziraphale answered with a sob as he looked up at the demon. “This pain just does not want to let up.” He blinked away his tears. 

“What hurts?” Crowley asked. “Is it your corporeal form? Or your wings?” 

“Both,” Aziraphale muttered. “My wings are not as bad anymore...they hurt, yes, but yours have helped them. The rest of me was not so lucky.” 

Crowley looked down at him with a pained expression. “May I move you slightly? I’m thinking that a change in position might help. You’ve been asleep for awhile and I believe your corporeal form is likely sore from staying like this.” 

Aziraphale nodded and Crowley pulled him closer to his chest, turning them both so that they were lying now. The angel groaned in pain and Crowley sighed as he was able to finally stretch his legs out. “I’m going to put my wings away,” the angel said. “It is too uncomfortable to lie with them like this...not until they are fully healed.” He let out a sob at that thought. He knew they would never look full and plush again. When he tucked them away he started crying. “Darling...they will never look like they once did...I can-can’t bear the thought of seeing them...covered in permanent scars…” He put his head in his hands and wept uncontrollably. 

Crowley kept his wings out for the moment, still covering them both. Aziraphale was now lying on his right one. The angel turned his head and buried it in the softness of his feathers. “Look at yours,” Aziraphale cried. “So elegant and beautiful...mine will never be like that again…” 

“They’re still beautiful.” Crowley reached out slowly and touched the back of his angel’s hair. He petted over it gently. “You are still beautiful.” 

“I am not,” the angel cried. “I’m covered in bruises and scars.” 

Crowley shook his head. “You’ve been through a lot, Aziraphale. You will heal, and whatever is left over, let it serve as a reminder of how strong you were. You survived this, to come home to me. That has to count for something, right?”

Aziraphale sobbed a few times but then finally nodded. “I am just so ashamed of myself for letting this happen...maybe if I hadn’t…” He stopped himself, unable to even think about that. 

There were few things Aziraphale regretted in his long existence, and he wasn’t about to let Crowley become one of them. Gabriel had always been mean to him, but his demon had shown nothing but love and acceptance towards him. Yes, his relationship with Crowley was the main reason Gabriel had done this to him, but Aziraphale wasn’t going to let the archangel take his demon away from him that easily. Crowley was the only other being he had ever felt any kind of connection with and it made his existence that much easier. He loved his demon and Gabriel wasn’t going to change that. 

“Hadn’t, what?” Crowley inquired. 

Aziraphale shook his head. “It’s not important, I realized. Gabriel can’t take that away from me.” 

The demon nodded, not exactly understanding but not wanting to push his angel for a proper answer. “Can you lie on your stomach for me, angel? I’m not going to do anything to hurt you, I promise.” This time Aziraphale looked slightly confused but did as was requested. Lying in this position hurt less. 

Crowley took a deep breath and brought his hand up over the wounds on Aziraphale’s shoulders. “It’s been a while since I’ve attempted this,” the demon said. “So forgive me if it doesn’t work. I’m not even sure I still have the power to do it.” 

“You no longer have healing powers, Crowley, if that is what you intend to try,” Aziraphale said quietly. “Not that you could heal them anyway, I have told you this.” 

“I know that, angel,” the demon replied. “I am simply going to attempt to take away some of your pain. Give your corporeal form something like a bit of a push in the direction of healing itself.” The angel looked up at him nervously. “This won’t hurt. Hell doesn’t keep track of miracles like Heaven does. No one but us will know. Are you okay with this?” 

After a moment, his aching body wanting nothing more than to be even a little pain free, the angel relented with a nod. “Yes, alright, darling. You may try.”

“Good because this hurts me too, angel. Seeing you like this,” Crowley said. He took a deep breath and tried to focus his energy on Aziraphale’s injuries. He knew looking at them wouldn’t help because he couldn’t see them healing so he closed his eyes and sent his love to his angel. 

Neither of them felt anything at first, but then Crowley noticed the slight tingle of a miracle flowing from his fingertips, and Aziraphale’s body relaxed into the softness of the mattress beneath him. A sense of calm and warmth washed over the angel, taking his pain and turning it into more of an annoying ache than a strong one. 

“Thank you, darling,” Aziraphale whispered, his voice sounded content and sleepy. 

The demon couldn’t blame him and he smiled softly. He used his other hand as well, moving them slowly down his angel’s body. The way the angel sighed had Crowley feeling intense relief. Finally, Aziraphale would be able to rest properly. “How does that feel, angel?” he asked as he finished and pulled his hands away.

“Much better.” Aziraphale pushed himself up for the first time without wincing or having his arms shake with the effort of lifting his own body weight. “Can you do something for me, dear?” 

“Anything.” Crowley smiled at him. 

“I think I’d rather like some tea, if you don’t mind conjuring some up for me? Chamomile would be good.” 

“I still think you should sleep some more,” Crowley said. “That miracle likely won’t last, and I’ll need to rest too before I do it again…” He still snapped his fingers though and a cup of hot chamomile tea appeared in his hand. He gently passed it to his angel, who gratefully took it and used a small miracle of his own to cool it to the temperature he wanted it. 

“I will sleep again after I drink my tea, dear,” Aziraphale reassured him and took a sip. 

Crowley nodded and turned onto his side, curling up against his angel. “I hope you don’t mind me being this close.” 

“Not at all,” the angel muttered, reaching for the demon’s hand with his own. 

They sat in silence, Aziraphale sipping his tea and Crowley watching him with a loving gaze. When he was finished, the angel set the cup down on the nightstand and lay back down. Crowley immediately took Aziraphale into his arms again and started rubbing his back lightly. “Go back to sleep, love. Your body needs to rest again.” 

“I know,” Aziraphale muttered with a yawn before closing his eyes. 

Once he was sure that his angel was sleeping peacefully and pain-free, Crowley allowed himself to drift off into a well needed sleep as well. 

~*~

It was another full day before either of them woke again. Crowley was the first one to stir. He looked down at Aziraphale for a moment before slowly untangling his arm from where the angel had pulled it to his chest. Aziraphale didn’t make any movement or noise to indicate that he even knew that Crowley had moved, so the demon lifted his hand and performed another healing miracle. He hoped that it would keep his angel asleep for a little while longer. He needed to go down to Hell to collect some Hellfire. The first item he would need to execute his plan to rid themselves of Gabriel permanently. 

Crowley moved slowly, trying not to disturb Aziraphale as he discreetly slid out of the bed. He had just snapped his fingers to dress himself when he heard what sounded like a horrible attempt at swallowing back a sob. The demon spun around with wide eyes, concerned eyes. “Aziraphale, I thought you were still asleep.” 

The angel ignored that, biting hard on his trembling lip. His blue eyes looked conflicted and were full of unshed tears. “Where are you going?” he asked quietly, no longer bothering to try and stop from crying. The angel held back his sobs but let himself openly cry. The tears running down his bruised, but now healing, cheeks. 

Crowley, seeing the obvious distress coming from his angel, moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He took Aziraphale’s hand. “I just need to step out for a few moments, angel,” he said. “I’ll be back before you know it.” He smiled slightly, deciding to leave out the reason why he needed to leave. He squeezed the angel’s hand. “You will be okay. No one can come in here.” 

“I wish for you to stay,” Aziraphale cried. “I’m not ready to be alone yet.”

“Aziraphale…” The way his angel was reacting to this made Crowley’s chest tighten. He didn’t want to leave Aziraphale alone but he was afraid that the longer he waited, the harder it would be to find Gabriel when he was ready to make his move. The summoning spell he had only worked if the being in question was on earth or in Heaven, or Hell. Crowley wouldn’t be surprised if the bastard archangel decided to bugger off to somewhere else in the galaxy. “I need to get Gabriel before he manages to fuck off somewhere in the galaxy where we can’t summon him.” 

“You can use the summoning circle in my bookshop,” Aziraphale offered, still silently crying. “It has the capability of pulling a being to it from anywhere in the cosmos.” 

Crowley frowned. “You have a summoning circle in your shop?” 

“Yes,” the angel replied. “It’s under the rug near the entrance to the backroom…” He trailed off as he was reminded of what went on in that room. Flashbacks filled his memory and the angel whimpered while he tugged on Crowley’s arm. 

The demon dropped his gaze to their joined hands. “I have to go, angel. This really shouldn’t wait.” 

It hadn’t been Crowley’s intention on hurting Aziraphale this way, but suddenly his angel broke down in desperate, pleading sobs. Using the hand that he held to pull his demon towards him, Aziraphale clung to Crowley. “Please darling...do-don’t g-go...n-no…” The fear rolling off the angel was back and it made the demon’s heart ache as he watched Aziraphale claw at his arm. 

“Angel…” Crowley reached out with his free hand and tenderly cupped the angel’s cheek. Aziraphale looked up at him with panic in his big blue eyes. The demon’s gaze was careful, loving, as he gently moved his thumb to run it along Aziraphale’s slightly chapped lips. “You’re a bit dehydrated, love." He gave his angel a slight smile and the look Aziraphale gave him back made the demon whimper as the urge to kiss the angel was strong. "I want to kiss you, Aziraphale…" 

Aziraphale didn’t respond immediately, his tear-filled eyes widened slightly and Crowley was just about to amend his sentence when the angel made the move instead. Aziraphale tentatively leaned forward and lightly pressed his lips against Crowley’s. 

The kiss was more chaste than anything but the demon didn’t complain, nor did he push his angel for anything more. He was just content at feeling Aziraphale’s lips pressed against his, for however long the angel wished. When Aziraphale did pull away, he averted his eyes, choosing to look down at the dark colored sheets instead. He dropped Crowley’s hand. “Angel? Was that too much?” 

Aziraphale shook his head slightly. “N-not at all…” He shrugged, which looked more like a jerking of his shoulders than an actual shrug. “But if you’re wondering...Gabriel, he did-didn’t do that to me...so it is quite alright.” He glanced back at Crowley briefly before wrapping his arms tightly around himself, the demon picking up on his shame. He wasn’t sure why his angel was feeling that way. But he didn’t question it, knowing that the feelings likely confused Aziraphale sometimes as well. “You can go now, Crowley.” 

The demon looked up in surprise as he watched Aziraphale crawl back to the spot in the bed where he had been sleeping in. “It’s fine, dear,” the angel said with a forced smile. “I’ll be alright.” 

Crowley saw right through that lie. Aziraphale had never been good at lying, but now both his facial expression and his feelings immediately betrayed him. Perhaps he could come up with a bit of a compromise. “I’m not leaving you alone, Aziraphale. Not yet, anyway. I can have someone else obtain the Hellfire for me. It’s not like it’s hard to come by, for a demon anyway.” He shifted closer to the angel and placed his hand on top of Aziraphale’s. “You’re not ready for me to leave your side just yet.” His angel looked miserably at him. “You’re a horrible liar, you know. You always have been, and that hasn’t changed.” The demon offered a smile. 

Aziraphale licked his lips, looking unsure of himself. “Can you kiss me again, darling?” 

“Yes,” Crowley said. “But after, I’m getting you some water because you’ll rub my lips raw with how rough yours are.” For the first time in days, Aziraphale smiled back at him and the demon couldn’t deny his angel anymore. He leaned over and pressed their lips together.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley finally convinces a reluctant Aziraphale to let him leave the flat. Things don't go so well for either of them when Crowley summons Michael and finds out that Gabriel isn't in Heaven.

As the days went by, Aziraphale spent most of his time in bed. When he wasn't sleeping, he was reading or lying in Crowley's arms. He cried less often but the demon still found that his angel lacked his warmth and cheerfulness. 

Crowley knew that Aziraphale was depressed and still struggling with everything. His body was healing, and Crowley made sure to continue performing the miracle to lessen the angel's physical pain as much as possible. The angel's emotional state had yet to improve, but Crowley wouldn't push him. It did take time for psychological wounds to heal. 

"I have conjured you some fresh pajamas, angel," the demon said as he passed Aziraphale a steaming cup of freshly brewed tea. The angel took the cup and cradled it in his hands, cooling it before sipping it. "They are in the top drawer of the dresser. You have been wearing those for days. I'm sure new ones will be more comfortable." He sat down at the edge of the bed. 

Aziraphale looked up at him as if he hadn't heard the demon. Crowley was just about to repeat himself when the angel spoke. "Oh, um, yes, I suppose I will." He set his tea down on the bedside table and got up. 

The demon stood up as well. Aziraphale had not allowed him to look at his back or front since that first night in the shower. Crowley only knew that the angel's wounds were healing by the bruises on his face slowly beginning to fade. He moved over to Aziraphale and gently cupped his cheek. "Will you allow me to check you over? I haven't inspected your injuries since we took that long shower." 

Aziraphale looked unsure for a moment and Crowley easily picked up on the angel's slight anxiety at the request. They had spent several days in close contact and the demon quickly began to feel his angel's changing emotions when something bothered him. "It'll be okay, Aziraphale," Crowley assured him gently. "It won't even be as bad as when I groomed your wings for you. Remember how gentle I was then?" The angel nodded. "I don't even need to touch you to do this."

A few days ago, Crowley had asked Aziraphale to show him his wings again. Even though the demon knew they were improving, he also knew that there was some level of discomfort there from them not being properly groomed. While they were healing, the old and broken feathers needed to be removed while the new ones needed to be smoothed out to ensure they were growing in properly. 

At first, Aziraphale had been reluctant to allow Crowley to touch his wings, citing his shame at their current state as the excuse. The demon knew this was true, but had finally convinced his angel to let him do some light grooming after performing the miracle to help Aziraphale relax and reduce any pain from elsewhere in his body. The angel had taken well to the grooming once Crowley had started. But it still pained the demon to know that his angel sometimes struggled with trusting him. 

Aziraphale bit his lip and Crowley was glad that the split there had healed. "I have…" the angel started. "I'm no longer...making an Effort…" Aziraphale looked away, ashamed. The demon wasn't surprised and quite frankly, this didn't even matter to him. He suspected that the angel felt most comfortable this way. "I don't want to be-" 

Crowley brought a finger up to Aziraphale's lips and made a quiet 'shhh' sound. "You don't need to explain, love. Whatever makes you comfortable." Aziraphale nodded and then started unbuttoning his shirt. "That's good, Aziraphale. I'm proud of you." 

The angel's hands started to shake as he was reminded of the times Gabriel praised him for doing something he wanted, no matter how horrible the outcome was for Aziraphale. "Can you not do that, Crowley?" he snapped with a glare. 

The demon looked taken aback and then quickly turned it into curious confusion. "Do what, angel?" 

"Praise me!" The angel let out a frustrated huff and shrugged off his shirt before quickly dropping his trousers as well. 

Crowley stepped back, not understanding his angel's sudden mood swing. "Sorry," the demon apologized. 

Aziraphale let out another loud sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to breathe through his panic and frustration. "No. No need," he said. "You didn't know." He dropped his hand to his side.

"Oh," Crowley said, and finally he thought he understood. Perhaps this was something Gabriel had done to his angel and he was associating Crowley's praise with a bad memory. 

Aziraphale ignored him. "Are we going to get on with it then?" 

As much as the angel tried to hide his vulnerability, the demon picked up on it. "Yeah, uh, of course." Crowley nodded and shifted, stuffing his hands in his pockets before taking in a breath. "Right...so I'll make this quick so that you can get dressed." He was starting to get frustrated as well but not with Aziraphale. He couldn't fault the angel for feeling like this. Not after everything that that bastard archangel had done to him. No, his frustrations and growing anger were for Gabriel not Aziraphale.

The bruises on the angel's ribs were brown and yellowed now, healing as well as could be hoped for. Those were the only injuries that remained on Aziraphale's front. Crowley didn't bother to check in between Aziraphale's legs, knowing that he would find nothing there anyway. The demon wasn't worried though, as he knew that part of their bodies healed rather quickly. 

He moved around to inspect the back of his angel. Most of the bruises were still there but in various stages of healing. Nothing looked alarming to Crowley though and he did admit aloud to Aziraphale that he was looking much better. "You can get dressed again if you want, angel." 

Aziraphale nodded. "Thank you, darling," he whispered and went to pull out the pajamas Crowley had conjured in the drawer for him.

The demon watched him, he could feel the frustration coming from the angel. "Aziraphale?"

"What?" The tone was cold, and Crowley would have flinched if he wasn't so worried. 

"Are you upset with me?" 

The angel sighed and suddenly slammed the door to the dresser shut. This time the demon did flinch slightly. "Stop treating me like I'm so bloody fragile! I was beaten and raped for Heaven's sake! I'm not some piece of glass you can't figure out how to miracle back together! And I'm fucking tired of feeling like I am, because of how you're treating me, Crowley!" He threw the pajamas angrily at the demon and Crowley caught them in his hands. 

"I can miracle my own damn clothes." Aziraphale snapped his fingers and suddenly he was clothed, although not fully and certainly not in what he wanted. It looked like the angel had intended on putting on his usual attire but whatever had made the miracle go awry the last time he'd try it, seemed to do so again. 

Crowley had half expected Aziraphale to swear again. He had never heard the angel swear so many times in a rant before. Sure, he and Aziraphale had argued before and he knew the angel was okay with using such language when he deemed it appropriate, but this was different. There were so many complex emotions radiating off the angel that Crowley couldn't tell if the anger was actually directed at him or not. 

His thought process was cut short though as the half-dressed angel flung himself down on the bed and started sobbing. 

Crowley wasn't sure what to do. He felt an urge to comfort Aziraphale but something told him that the angel probably wouldn't be receptive to that at the moment. "Angel?" he tried, instead. He wanted to reach out with a hand to touch Aziraphale's shoulder but he held off. The demon wondered if he could try to comfort him with food instead. "You haven't eaten anything in longer than a week…" Again he was ignored. "Perhaps you'd like me to miracle something other than tea for you?" 

"What I want is to be left alone." 

The demon didn't think the angel actually meant that. Aziraphale had spent the last week or so clinging to him, refusing to even let Crowley leave the bedroom some days. This was a new problem. "You don't actually want that though, do you?" he asked. "I mean, if you're truly ready...I just feel like you're pushing me away because you're upset with me. If I do leave, you may regret it." 

"If I remember correctly," Aziraphale said, voice muffled by the pillow he currently had his face buried in. "You wanted to leave. You needed to go down to Hell." 

"I told you, angel," Crowley replied. "I can have someone else do that for me." 

"Go do it now," Aziraphale said and actually pushed himself up. He was still crying but he didn't appear angry anymore. "I know you've waited long enough for this." He chewed on his lip. 

Crowley thought for a moment. He did want to get his hands on Gabriel. "Do you want me to call someone for you? I can always have someone come and sit with you." 

"No!" Aziraphale exclaimed quickly. "You said no one could come in here anyway." 

"Well I would have to lift the spell for a few moments, but it would be quick." 

"No," the angel repeated. His blue eyes had gone wide and Crowley sensed his sudden fear. "Don't remove the spell. Please, darling...Gabriel will find me." The demon watched Aziraphale as he pushed himself up and reached for Crowley’s hand. He gripped it hard. 

"I won't," the demon replied and squeezed the angel's hand back. 

"You want to go though," Aziraphale said quietly. It wasn't a question.

Crowley looked away. As much as he loved Aziraphale and wanted him to be okay, he did want some alone time. It was something that the demon had always needed. He had given that up for the angel and he would continue to do so if Aziraphale needed him. "Well I have been in here with you for longer than a week...at the very least I'd like some fresh air…" The angel looked away. "But I won't go unless you're okay with me doing so." 

"Go, Crowley." He could tell Aziraphale was trying to hide his anxiety. 

The demon tried to ignore it. Maybe this would be good for both of them. He couldn't let Aziraphale cling to his side forever. That couldn't be good for either of them. They both needed personal space. Their relationship deemed this necessary, lest they get on each other's nerves too much. And, even though he was being patient with Aziraphale, Crowley had to admit that at least some part of him was annoyed with the angel at the moment. Although he didn't have any right to be. It pained him to even think about separating himself from his angel for the sake of his own sanity. "Do you truly want that, Aziraphale?" The demon raised a questioning eyebrow. "You were lying to me before."

"No," the angel admitted quietly. "But I think perhaps it might be best." 

"I think so too, but I don't want you crying for me when I'm out. I need to know that you'll be alright for an hour or two." Crowley snapped his fingers and Aziraphale's mobile appeared in his hand. He passed it to the angel. "This might help." Aziraphale nodded and took the device. He held it in his hand, just staring at it. "I'm just a phone call or text away, angel. I promise I won't be upset if you call me back two minutes after I've left." He offered a soft smile. 

Aziraphale took in a bit of a shaky breath before looking up into those golden eyes that he loved so much. "Alright, dear. I'll be fine, I think." 

"You will," Crowley assured him. "And if for some reason you aren't, give me a call. I'll be back before you even know it." The demon searched the angel's face for a sign that he would be receptive to a goodbye kiss. 

Aziraphale knew Crowley well enough to know what he was doing. "Yes," he muttered, leaving forward so that the demon could gently press their lips together. He lightly squeezed his angel's hand before pulling away. 

"I can't miracle myself out without risking breaking the spell. I'll have to leave the normal way." Crowley gave him another quick peck on the lips before moving away to stand up. 

"Can I have those pajamas again, darling? I think I want to sleep while you're gone. Keep my mind occupied." 

"Of course." Crowley picked up the pajamas that he had set aside after Aziraphale had thrown them at him and passed them to the angel. "I'm going to go now." 

The angel nodded and got up from the bed. Crowley kissed him once more before heading out the door of his flat. 

Neither of them were aware that for the spell to remain intact, neither of the occupants of the flat could exit it, whether by magical or other means…

~*~ 

As Crowley headed toward the Bentley, Aziraphale changed into the conjured pajamas and crawled into his sleeping spot. He wasn't tired but would try and force himself to sleep so that the time would go by quicker. He stared at the phone he held in his hand, opening up Crowley's number just in case he needed it quickly. He then tucked his hand tightly into his chest as he covered himself in three layers of blankets and closed his eyes.

The demon wasn't going to waste precious time on going down to Hell to collect the Hellfire he needed. Crowley quickly got into contact with Hastur, asking him to collect enough Hellfire to kill an archangel and to meet him at Aziraphale's bookshop in an hour. Normally Hastur would ask questions but Crowley shut him up by promising to let him witness the bastard archangel's demise. He didn't need to tell the other demon why he wanted to kill Gabriel. 

Crowley arrived at the bookshop and parked his Bentley in the usual spot. When he walked into the shop, he immediately gagged and covered his nose. Gabriel's scent was all over the shop, mixed with the telltale smell of Aziraphale as well. It got stronger the closer the demon got to the backroom. He didn't need to enter it to know that this was where Gabriel had spent most, if not all, of the time torturing and violating Aziraphale. The carpet was covered in the angel's blood and other bodily fluids. 

Fighting back the urge to vomit, Crowley waved his hand and the mess disappeared. Most of the smell still lingered but there was nothing he could do about that. It would go away in time. 

Pulling the carpet away, he looked down at the circle. It certainly looked powerful enough for what he hoped to accomplish. First he was going to have a very strongly worded conversation with Michael about how they ought to make sure no one was abusing their authority like Gabriel was. Not that Crowley believed the archangel would actually listen to him, but he knew Michael to be the least power-hungry of the bunch and just a smidge more ethical if not sympathetic. 

He picked up the book with the spell he would need and quietly read it while lighting the candles around the circle. 

When Crowley was finished the floor glowed in bright light and the demon was suddenly thankful for his sunglasses. "You summoned me, demon Crowley?" Michael's tone was annoyed but not threatening. 

"Yes I did, and I dare say that you should listen to me, otherwise I'll make you a burning pile of goo just like I'm going to do with Gabriel," Crowley hissed, lowering his sunglasses. His eyes flashed dangerously. 

"You do not scare me, demon," Michael replied. "But what makes you think that Gabriel deserves such a harsh death?" 

"Oh so you have no idea?!" Crowley yelled. "Just like you lot to ignore such disgusting and vile acts happening right under your snobby noses. Dished out by one of your own onto one of your own! And an innocent one at that!" 

Michael frowned, seemingly genuinely confused. "Whatever are you talking about, demon?" She paused and looked around, finally realizing that she was in the bookshop. "And where is Aziraphale? Surely he can help you see the ridiculousness of these accusations towards a well-respected archangel." 

Rage burned within Crowley at the mention of the angel's name. "You do not get to say his name!" He hissed through clenched teeth. "That bastard Gabriel has been down on earth for days. Torturing and violating, Aziraphale! When he finally managed to escape, I found him in a complete mess. He had been beaten and raped! Afraid of everything! Including me, and I have NEVER done anything to make him fear me! Not that I can say the same for your lot!" 

Crowley ended his rant, staring at Michael with intense eyes that burned with hatred. He breathed heavily. 

The archangel didn't say anything, her eyes wide and complete surprise on her face. "What a bloody revelation, eh?!" Crowley hissed. 

Michael quickly collected herself. "I did not know that Gabriel had taken things this far," she said, trying to hide her embarrassment at letting this happen. "I was aware that he had been 'disciplining' Aziraphale for misconduct. But I suspected he was whipping him."

"WHIPPING HIM?!" Crowley narrowed his eyes and complete and utter rage threatened to take over. He stepped to the edge of the circle.

Michael did actually step back slightly. "Careful demon, you will discorporate if you step into this circle." Crowley hissed again, threateningly as if he was about to strike the archangel. "But I will discuss this with him."

"Oh no, you don't get that pleasure," the demon said dangerously. "You will summon him here immediately so that I can finish this once my demon gets here with the Hellfire!" 

"I will do no such thing! He is not in Heaven at the moment." Michael exclaimed and then disappeared. 

Crowley let out a furious laugh. "Bloody fucking archangels! I'll have you all one day! You're gonna fucking pay for this! I swear-!"

"Crowley?" The demon spun around at the sound of his name. It was Hastur. 

Crowley marched over to the other demon and snatched the Hellfire container from him. Without a word, hot anger coursing through his veins, he picked up the book to summon Gabriel. He was going to end this now. 

Not one sentence of the summoning spell had gotten past his lips, before his mobile phone rang. 

Crowley snapped his head in the direction of the table he had set it on. It read out 'Aziraphale' on the screen. 

Sudden and overwhelming fear and panic hit Crowley like a freight train as he allowed himself to feel connected to his angel. "Fuck…" The book fell to the floor. "Leave, Hastur. I have to go." 

"Where?"

"To kill an archangel." Crowley snapped his fingers and disappeared from the bookshop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There likely will be violence in the next chapter. I'm not sure to what extent yet. I will provide proper warnings at the begging of the chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel returns to torture Aziraphale again. Crowley returns to his flat to find Gabriel torturing Aziraphale. Crowley confronts Gabriel and makes a decision to ensure Aziraphale's safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings:
> 
> Graphic descriptions of torture, rape, and a character death.
> 
> If ANY of the above is triggering to you, please do not read.

Aziraphale was resting comfortably. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since Crowley left the flat, but he refused to check for fear that it had only been a couple of minutes. He struggled with calling his demon back to him. It took a lot out of him to resist doing so. The angel briefly considered pulling up one of those game apps that Crowley had installed on his phone for them to play together when they were bored at night. He didn’t think it would hold his attention though and tried to concentrate harder on falling asleep. 

The angel had almost fallen asleep when he felt the lightest touch on his cheek. “Mmm...darling?” Aziraphale did not even have the chance to open his eyes properly. A strong hand fisted tightly into his hair and twisted violently, pulling him from the bed. 

Aziraphale cried out, the searing pain in his scalp making it hard for him to concentrate as he was tossed to the floor roughly. Heart pounding, the angel lifted his eyes to find dark violet ones staring down at him. 

Gabriel moved quickly, grabbing Aziraphale around the throat and choking him. The angel gasped for breath he didn’t need. Panic quickly overcame Aziraphale and he tried to push the archangel away. This only caused Gabriel to tighten in his grip and the angel could feel his own skin bruising again. “Your demon boyfriend failed to realize that he couldn’t leave this place. The moment he stepped out the door, his little protection spell broke, and I could once again find you, my angel slut.” The archangel smirked, a cold and dangerous smile. One that was familiar to Aziraphale, yet much more menacing than usual. He dropped the angel and Aziraphale crawled backward toward the wall. 

The angel curled up when his back made contact with the cold wall. He was shaking with fear, and close to sobbing. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to protect any part of his body that he could. His panic maximized when he realized that Gabriel had used the potion on him again. There was no escape. “No,” Aziraphale cried, terrified as Gabriel closed the space between them. He grabbed the angel’s hair again, pulling him up into a half seated position. 

Aziraphale gripped Gabriel’s wrists and tried to dig his nails into the flesh. The archangel shook him off and then backhanded him across the face. Aziraphale yelped in pain and recoiled. “You’ll do what I say,” Gabriel sneered at him. “You’ve disappointed me, sunshine. I am going to whip you this time, but first I think maybe you need a little reminder that you can’t keep running off to your filthy demon.” He gripped Aziraphale’s arm hard and threw him across the room. 

Extremely disoriented and in pain, somehow the angel’s eyes still managed to find his mobile phone on the floor next to the bed. The screen was still on, with Crowley’s number open. If only he could reach it…

Aziraphale flung himself toward the bed, but Gabriel was quicker. Once again, the archangel fisted his hand in the angel’s blonde curls and pulled. Aziraphale cried out. “Perhaps I should let you back in his bed? If I take you there, it will mark it with our scents. That will make sure he never wants you again...not that it matters because when he returns here, I’m going to kill him and make you watch.” 

A new panic overtook Aziraphale and his tear filled blue eyes turned to Gabriel. “No, pl-please...I-I’ll d-do any-anything...do-don’t hurt him.” 

The archangel gripped Aziraphale's chin and looked at him with dark violet eyes. “Anything? Oh, my sweet slut, you have no idea.” Aziraphale tried to move but found that he couldn’t. With a snap of his fingers, Gabriel removed the pajamas that Aziraphale had been wearing and bound his hands behind his back with conjured holy rope. 

Without letting go of the angel’s chin, Gabriel knelt down, bringing his face close to Aziraphale’s. The archangel pressed his lips hard against Aziraphale’s as he slipped his free hand between the angel’s legs. 

Aziraphale struggled, trying to push Gabriel away. The hand between his legs didn’t bother him so much as the rough kiss did. The archangel forced his jaw open so that he could slip his tongue into Aziraphale’s mouth while his hand rubbed the skin between his legs. Although there was neither a penis nor a vulva there, the skin was still sensitive and Aziraphale was quickly becoming ashamed again. “No longer making an Effort, are we, sunshine?” Gabriel asked as he pulled out of the kiss with a harsh bite to Azirapahle’s lip. The angel whimpered in pain. “Don’t worry. I can fix that for you.” 

To the angel’s horror, he felt a warming sensation from Gabriel’s hand and suddenly he had a penis. Aziraphale had never known that another angel could choose the sex for their partner. He and Crowley had never tried, each of them being comfortable with the other’s choice. “That’s not something you can do to me, if you’re wondering,” Gabriel said. “It’s a power only archangels have.” He straightened back up and pulled Aziraphale to his feet before shoving him into Crowley’s bed. 

Gabriel miracled his own trousers away, and crawled into the bed behind the angel. He positioned Aziraphale how he wanted him, on his back and grabbed hold of the angel’s thighs, pulling him into his lap. The archangel snapped his fingers again and Aziraphale’s ankles were bound tightly behind Gabriel’s back, holding him close to the archangel, so that he was unable to kick. “Are you going to be a good slut and allow me to make this more pleasurable for you, Aziraphale?”

The angel didn't respond, his eyes were squeezed tightly shut and he was crying. This was Crowley's bed that he was being assaulted in. The place where he had felt safe and loved. Aziraphale let out a sob. He wanted to scream and cry for his demon. Crowley...he thought. I love you...please help me…

He was brought back to reality when Gabriel slapped him sharply. First across the face and then on the side of his left buttock. The sting caused his skin to turn red and welt up. "Answer me!" 

"No…" Aziraphale wasn't even sure what he was replying to. He just wanted it to all be over with. He willed his emotional pain away, wanting to be numb to the experience he was about to be forced into. 

The angel expected to be hit again, but instead his hips were grabbed and he was lifted up. He felt the hardness of Gabriel’s erection press against his bottom and braced himself for the intrusion, but the archangel moved a hand from his hip to grope Aziraphale instead. 

Gabriel wrapped his fingers around the angel's penis and squeezed roughly before starting a jerking motion. Aziraphale bit his lip and stayed quiet. The friction was horribly uncomfortable and his skin began to chafe rather quickly. He couldn't suppress a groan of pain any longer. "Stop...please…" the angel cried, struggling against the holy ropes that bound his limbs. 

"Shut your stupid mouth or I'll do it for you," Gabriel hissed and this time he actually did hit Aziraphale with another backhand across the face. The angel tasted blood, knowing that he had bitten himself again. 

Aziraphale didn't answer, not wanting to be gagged again. He knew that fighting back would only make Gabriel angrier so he stopped moving and stopped begging for mercy. He just lay there not moving. 

When the archangel did finally thrust into him, Aziraphale couldn't stop himself from crying out. It nearly blinded him into unconsciousness and he prayed for discorporation, but knowing it wouldn't come. 

This time, no matter what Gabriel did to him, Aziraphale's penis refused to grow hard. Perhaps it was the fact that the angel refused to let himself feel anything. His thoughts drifted to Crowley and he focused on getting through this for his demon. Everything will be alright, Aziraphale tried to keep reminding himself. Crowley will be back. He won't leave me. He loves me…

The angel sobbed uncontrollably, his body shaking violently as he tried to focus on the only thing he had left. His love for Crowley…

Eventually he heard the sound of Gabriel's usual grunt and the archangel stilled his movements. "Not quite there yet, are we, sunshine?" Gabriel said, pulling hard at Aziraphale's still flaccid penis. The angel whimpered in protest as he was squeezed roughly again. 

"St-Stop," Aziraphale cried again. "I-I ca-can't."

"You can, but fine. Perhaps whipping you will teach you a lesson." Gabriel snapped his fingers and the holy ropes binding both the angel's hands and feet disappeared. 

Free at last, Aziraphale moved on instinct. Unwrapping his legs from around the archangel's waist, he swiftly kicked Gabriel in the gut.

Gabriel stumbled backward and fell off the bed with a surprised grunt. Aziraphale took this opportunity and despite his pain was able to roll off the bed onto the floor. He reached for his mobile and was just able to hit the call button before he was yanked to his feet. 

"You stupid little slut, Aziraphale!" Gabriel hissed into the angel's ear as he violently pulled on Aziraphale's hair. The angel was sobbing again, shaking hands desperately trying to push the archangel away again. 

The archangel threw Aziraphale into the wall, the angel's left shoulder taking the brunt of the impact. Searing pain shot down his arm and Aziraphale was sure something had broken. Shaking uncontrollably, the terrified angel tried to make himself smaller in an attempt to shield as much of his vulnerable body as possible from his attacker. 

This did little to help. Furious, Gabriel kicked and hit Aziraphale in any place he could reach. It felt like an eternity, but was really only about half a minute, before the archangel grabbed Aziraphale and pulled him into a half-seated position. The angel was disoriented and barely holding onto consciousness. He prayed that Crowley had known that he was trying to call and would come quickly to his rescue. 

"Show me your wings." 

Aziraphale didn't move. "N-no...Pl-please…" He wasn't sure how he was still sobbing. Every part of his body hurt beyond what he knew he could continue to handle. Gabriel was going to mutilate his wings again to keep him from discorporating. 

"Now, Aziraphale. And don't you scream while I'm whipping you." 

Complete and utter panic washed over the angel and his broken body flinched away. This would hurt more than anything else Gabriel had done to him so far. It would rip through his corporeal form and down into his essence. This may very well discorporate him. 

"Crowley…" Aziraphale cried as he reluctantly revealed his healing wings and sobbed loudly. 

"I don't know why you cry for that filthy snake, sunshine. But don't worry you'll forget about him soon enough…" 

Aziraphale braced himself for the impact of the first strike…

~*~

Gabriel sneered down at the cowering angel at his feet. The holy whip he had conjured felt heavy in his hand, but it was a nice weight, enough to easily tear through the skin on Aziraphale's back and rip holes in the angel's essence that would never completely heal. 

He brought his hand up and prepared to deliver the first blow. As he pulled back, a strong hand caught his wrist. "Don't you fucking dare," a dark and rage-filled voice hissed at him. 

Suddenly the archangel's arm was yanked backward, the bones snapping. Gabriel cried out as he was forced to drop the whip and was shoved onto the floor. 

Avoiding the whip, Crowley grabbed hold of the front of Gabriel's suit and hoisted him from the floor. "You made a big mistake coming back here! You fucking piece of shit!" The demon's hands were wrapped around the archangel's throat as he pinned him to the wall. 

"Unhand me...filthy demon…" Gabriel managed to choke out. 

"Not a chance." Crowley's eyes glowed with Hellfire and suddenly the demon's hands were burning the archangel's skin. Gabriel screamed. "How someone like you can get away with such vile acts and go unpunished appalls me." 

Gabriel gasped and groaned as the demon brought his knee up and slammed it into the archangel's groin. "This past week I've spent lots of time thinking about a proper punishment for you. I thought about beating you senseless, like you did to him. I thought about torturing and mutilating your wings…" Crowley's eyes burned with hatred for Gabriel. 

"You wouldn't dare…" 

"You want to test that theory?!" Crowley's burning hand touched Gabriel's cheek. The touch itself was gentle but it still burned the archangel's cheek. He screamed. "Shut up!" He struck Gabriel across the face. "I'm not going to torture you. Not anymore than I already have. You vile archangels aren't worth it." He hissed, forked tongue licking the burn on Gabriel’s cheek. The archangel struggled. 

"Why? You know you want to." Gabriel spat at him. "Aziraphale tainted his body and his angelic essence with your filthy cum, demon, and I was-" The demon snapped his fingers, stopping time. 

The glass window next to the bed shattered as Gabriel was thrown through it. Crowley unfurled his wings and jumped from the window. 

"He will never feel safe as long as you're allowed to exist." The demon's words were cold. He said no more, just reaching into his pocket and tossing the bottle with the Hellfire in it at the archangel. 

Gabriel screamed and yelled obscenities at Crowley while he burned, but the demon ignored him. With the immediate threat taken care of, Crowley forced away his rage and focused his attention on Aziraphale. He turned and flew back up through the broken window. 

"Aziraphale?" Crowley asked softly. His heart broke as he saw his angel, naked, bleeding, and shaking on the floor. "Oh angel...I'm so sorry…" He slowly approached Aziraphale, getting down on his knees next to the sobbing angel. 

With one hand he pulled the soft blanket out of the bed and draped it around Aziraphale. "No…" the angel pushed the blanket away. 

It took Crowley a moment to realize why. When he did, the demon quickly miracled a new blanket and placed it over Aziraphale. "May I?" he asked gently, holding his arms out. 

Aziraphale looked up at him with empty, tear filled, blue eyes but nodded. The demon carefully took his broken angel into his arms and held him while they both cried. "I'm so sorry, Aziraphale," Crowley whispered, focusing any energy he had left into performing a miracle to help Aziraphale with his pain. "He's gone now though. It truly is over. He can't hurt you again." He wrapped his wings around them and shielding Aziraphale from the outside world.

Crowley didn't care that he hadn't restarted time. They both needed time and for the moment they had all the time in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be at least one more chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley receives a gift from Michael to help Aziraphale heal. Slowly the angel starts to heal.

Crowley had shifted them so that he was sitting up against the wall, Aziraphale was weeping in his lap, trembling from what the demon sensed as pain. Both physical and emotional. Black wings still wrapped around them, he gently rubbed the angel's back, whispering words of comfort and apologies for even considering leaving.

How could he have been so stupid? It was his fault that this had happened to Aziraphale a second time, and in a place where he had allowed himself to feel safe! Stupid, stupid demon! 

Crowley let out a strangled cry. "I'm so sorry, angel," he said for must have been the hundredth time. "I won't ever leave your side again. I'll protect you forever. You will never be hurt again. I won't allow it. No one touches you without permission." He wasn't sure Aziraphale heard this time but he needed to tell his angel this. He needed to make sure that the broken angel knew this; knew that his demon was truly sorry and that this hurt him more than anything else in the world could. 

A sudden glowing bright light had the demon's tear-stained face jerking up and toward the source of said light. "What the bloody hell are you doing here?!" He hissed at the archangel that had appeared in his bedroom. 

"I've come here to tell you that it's time for you to restart time, demon Crowley," Michael said from where she stood, a good distance away. 

"You have no right to tell me what to do!" Crowley snapped, tightening his grip on Aziraphale when the angel flinched in his arms. 

"Ow…" Aziraphale cried and tried to move his shoulder. 

The demon chanced taking his eyes off the archangel to look down at his angel. "Can you shift, love? I want to look at your arm." He had the intention of using another miracle to attempt to take away more of Aziraphale's pain. When he saw that it was very clearly dislocated, he took in a breath. "Oh angel, I'm sorry but this needs to be dealt with." He slowly reached for Aziraphale's shoulder with the intent to quickly pop it back in place but the angel immediately flinched away. "Sorry." 

The sudden appearance of a repaired window caught Crowley's attention and he turned back to the archangel. "Why are you still here? We're done with you lot. I don't ever want to see another one of you again or I'll bu-!' 

"I have come here to offer an apology to Aziraphale," Michael said. She finally decided to approach them. 

Aziraphale noticed this and started trembling in fear, he pressed his body closer to Crowley's and the demon wrapped his wings tighter around the hurt and vulnerable angel. "You come any closer to him and I will end you like I did to Gabriel," his voice was dark, dangerous and threatening. 

Michael actually did stop moving. "I see now that Gabriel had gone beyond what we were aware was happening," she said. "And that's why I'm here." 

"Yeah, well, an apology isn't going to cut it," Crowley hissed. He was still angry, Hellfire threatened to burn within him, he struggled with forcing it away, lest he accidentally hurt Aziraphale. 

"I have spoken with a higher power regarding this matter," Michael continued as if she didn't hear him. "And She agrees that much more than an apology is needed in this situation."

"And did She say exactly what was needed?! Because I don't see Her talking to either of us!" 

Something caught in Aziraphale's scrambled brain. "Her?" the angel whispered, barely audible. He slowly lifted his head to peer over the protection of his lover's wings at the archangel. 

"Yes, Aziraphale," Michael replied. "She has offered to help you through this."

"How?' Crowley asked, suspiciously. 

Michael didn't answer but stepped closer, extending a hand. 

Aziraphale reacted to that. Eyes going wide, he attempted to move closer to the wall. Crowley felt his panic and lifted his wing, covering Aziraphale with it and ruffling it to show Michael that he was ready to strike with a moment's notice. 

The archangel stopped again, but left her hand extended. "I'm warning you," Crowley hissed. 

"Demon Crowley," Michael said. "The Almighty has blessed me with the ability to heal Aziraphale's physical wounds. But it is clear that he does not want me near him." 

"Damn right, and neither do I!"

"She has also allowed me to pass these powers to another. It will be able to heal both his corporation and his essence." 

Crowley's eyes narrowed. "What are you on about?" 

"Extend your hand to me, demon, and you will see. Your lover is afraid of me but he does not fear you. Allow me to pass the blessing along to you." Michael's hand glowed golden. 

Crowley shook his head, his own eyes growing wide. "That's holy power, I cannot touch it." 

"You can, Crowley," Aziraphale whispered suddenly. "You're more angelic than you believe…" The angel slowly lifted his shaking hand with a groan of pain. It glowed faintly of holy light. 

Aziraphale placed his hand over Crowley's heart. The demon did expect it to burn but it didn't, it was just familiar comforting warmth. He looked down, wide eyed, at his angel who gave him a weak smile. "See?"

Crowley swallowed but nodded, giving Aziraphale a small smile back. He turned back to the archangel. "Right, so...how do I do this?" He tentatively reached out to her. 

"It's just like you remember, demon," Michael replied, taking his hand and transferring the blessing. 

It was a strong one. Crowley had to fight to keep himself from being overwhelmed. He sighed as warmth filled his essence. It felt like he was being wrapped up in a warm embrace by his beloved angel. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. 

When Michael pulled her hand away, that warmth lingered. Crowley opened his eyes and looked down at Aziraphale with all the love he had for the angel. 

Aziraphale lifted his head and his beautiful face was lit up in pure white light as Michael left them. "Aziraphale…" Crowley whispered, tenderly reaching out to cup his angel's bruised cheek. He allowed that warmth to flow through his fingers and into the very essence of the angel. 

Aziraphale closed his eyes and slowly his body relaxed into Crowley as the demon healed his wounds. His pain went from being severe to tolerable to aching and then finally to nothing. 

When Crowley was finished, Aziraphale collapsed against him and sobbed. "Oh...thank you, darling…" The demon wrapped his arms tightly around his angel, pulling him into an embrace that neither of them wanted to end. 

~*~

When Crowley did eventually restart time, he performed a series of miracles to alter the decor of his flat. He kept his usual dark theme but added a few things to make Aziraphale more comfortable in the space as well. 

He completely replaced the bed and anything that was on it and decided to let the angel pick the color of the bedsheets. At least for the moment. Not wanting to make Crowley too uncomfortable, Aziraphale chose navy blue Egyptian cotton sheets and a thick comforter to match. 

Aziraphale insisted on a shower, even if the healing miracle had removed all traces of Gabriel's scent from him, he still felt dirty; tainted by the memory of the archangel violating him. 

Crowley agreed to this, only because he thought it might help the angel's emotional state. Aside from simple answers to his questions regarding making the flat more comfortable for Aziraphale, the angel remained silent, distant. He accompanied him into the shower if for nothing else to ensure that Aziraphale did not scratch himself raw again. There was still some of that warmth left within Crowley and he knew that he could heal the angel again if he needed to. But he most certainly didn't want to have to. 

Later on, the demon would find that this warmth never left him; forever leaving him with the power to heal his beloved angel from any wounds that might be inflicted upon Aziraphale. 

As the water ran cold for the third time, Crowley reached out to the angel gently. "I think it's time we get out of here, angel." Aziraphale said nothing, he had been blankly staring at the floor. The demon decided to shut the taps off and miracle two warmed towels. He wrapped one around Aziraphale and then one around himself. 

The angel clutched the towel tightly and began sobbing. "Oh...no...Aziraphale...no crying." Crowley stepped forward and pulled the angel to his chest. This just made his beloved cry harder. "Shh...you're okay…" The demon gently rubbed up and down his back. 

"I-I...I'm such a-a fail-failure!" Aziraphale sobbed. 

This broke Crowley's heart. The demon's chest ached and tightened as tears threatened to fall from his eyes. "You're not," he whispered, petting over the angel's soft curls. "Do you think you did something to deserve this?" 

"I did everything to deserve it!" Aziraphale yelled into the demon's chest. He brought a fist up and hit Crowley with it in the shoulder. He didn't do it hard enough to hurt but the demon sensed his angel's frustration. "Everything that Gabriel said to me was true, darling! Every fucking word!" 

Aziraphale suddenly pushed Crowley away and the stunned demon almost lost his balance. "I screw up anything I try to do," the angel said bitterly. He turned around and looked at himself in the mirror. "Look at me. I'm a complete mess. Physically I look fine but I'm not. I didn't deserve the healing from Her." He turned around again and approached Crowley. 

The demon could see something burning intensely in those dark blue eyes. "You never should have healed me. In fact, you should be punishing me for what I did with Gabriel!" Crowley's own eyes widened as he tried to make sense of why Aziraphale was acting like this. The emotions the angel was giving off were too complicated for him to understand. There would be no convincing him that all of this wasn't his fault in the moment. So he let Aziraphale rage on. "I let him fuck me in your bed! I could have resisted more, but I didn't! Do you know why that is, darling?!" 

The demon shook his head. "Because I'm a fucking weak, soft, coward! He wanted to whip me first and if I had let him do that, you would have gotten here before he...before he raped me in your bed! I was supposed to be safe here! But I stupidly let you leave!" Aziraphale was nearly panting with the effort of keeping his anger contained. With a cry of rage, he spun around. The towel dropped to the floor but he paid it no mind. He promptly went over to the mirror and punched it, shattering the glass. Crowley jumped slightly. "I don't ever want to look at myself again!" 

Aziraphale's hand was bleeding profusely. It throbbed from the deep cuts and the pieces of glass stuck in it. He braced himself against the sink and Crowley saw the tears dripping into the basin, mixing with the large amount of blood. "Aziraphale…" He miracled away the shattered mirror with a wave of his hand. He didn't replace it though. 

Crowley slowly approached the sobbing angel. He could still feel anger emanating off of him. The demon tried to ignore it in favor of healing his angel's bleeding hand. 

Aziraphale was gripping the counter so tight that both hands were white. "What?!" he snapped. 

Crowley hovered his hand over the top of Aziraphale's, healing it. When there were no longer any signs of the deep cuts, the angel raised his head and swallowed, looking at his demon. "I'm sorry, Crowley," he said, voice wavering. "I do not think I am well emotionally." 

"You're not," the demon replied. "And I don't expect you to be...not today, not tomorrow. Not even in a week or a month. Maybe not for years, angel. This takes time, and lucky for us, we have all the time in the universe." He reached out to cup Aziraphale's cheek as he watched the angel's reaction. 

Aziraphale seemed to be searching his face for something as well. Crowley couldn't quite read his emotions or expression so he decided to try something. He leaned in to tentatively and tenderly press their lips together. 

Before he even made contact, Aziraphale pushed him back with a cry of protest. "No!"

Stunned, the demon looked up at his angel. Immediately, Crowley picked up on a couple of things. First of all, panic was coming off of Aziraphale. Second of all, the look of fear on the angel's face and the face that refused to meet his gaze, told Crowley all he needed. 

"That son of a bitch!" The demon hissed under his breath before taking in a breath and softening his expression. "Okay, no kisses for you. Not until you're ready." He paused and watched as Aziraphale fiddled with his plump fingers. "But perhaps a cuddle and a nap? I'll conjure you some pajamas to wear." 

Aziraphale nodded, still avoiding Crowley's gaze. The demon didn't want to overwhelm him, instead snapping his fingers so that a pair of blue cotton pajamas appeared in his hands. He passed them to the angel. "I'll be waiting for you," Crowley said and then left the bathroom to return to the bedroom. 

He pulled back the sheets on their bed, moving blankets and pillows around to make it comfortable for both of them. 

Aziraphale joined him a few moments later. He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked down at the hands folded in his lap. "I...I feel like I could go for one of those long naps you love so much." 

"Whatever you want, angel," Crowley replied. "But I do suggest against sleeping for several weeks or longer. Sleeping is just avoiding your feelings. They will have to be dealt with eventually."

The angel nodded and moved to lie down. "Just a few weeks, then?" He looked up at the demon with pleading blue eyes. 

Crowley nodded, moving over to take Aziraphale into his arms. The angel placed his head on his demon's chest. "Sleep well, my angel," Crowley whispered, placing a kiss on the top of Aziraphale's head. The angel didn't react badly to that. "I'll be here when you wake up." 

"Thank you, darling," Aziraphale whispered before allowing himself to drift off into peaceful slumber. 

~*~

Crowley stayed awake for a long while while Aziraphale slept. It was only about half way through the week and a half that the demon finally allowed himself some rest as well. 

It was a Wednesday when Aziraphale finally stirred from his sleep. Crowley, who had never been a light sleeper, felt his angel moving around in the bed. When it came to sleeping with his angel, however, the demon had become attuned to his waking habits. 

"Angel?" Crowley whispered, eyes drifting open with a yawn. Golden eyes found tired blue ones and he smiled slightly. "How are you feeling?" 

"I'm not sure." Aziraphale spoke as if he was confused about everything. "How long has it been?" 

The demon reached for his mobile. "About a week and a half. You still look tired." 

"I feel...odd," the angel muttered. 

Concerned, Crowley pushed himself up. Aziraphale was already sitting up and on the edge of the bed. "How?"

"Numb?" The angel turned to look at him. "I can't really explain it, darling. I'm sorry." 

"'S okay. You don't need to explain." Crowley reached for Aziraphale and wrapped him up in a comforting embrace. "Can I get you anything? Tea? Some crepes?" He hoped that the angel would react at the mention of one of his favorite foods. 

He did. Aziraphale smiled slightly. "Not right now," he said quietly. He shrugged out of the embrace, much to the demon's disappointment. The angel stood on slightly shaking legs. Crowley just watched him as he wandered around the room. "When…" Aziraphale swallowed. "When you left...where did you go?" 

"Back to your shop," Crowley said. "I used the summoning circle that you had mentioned to me before. I used it to summon Michael instead." He looked away and Aziraphale felt one of Crowley's emotions; it was very similar to what he had felt many times recently: shame. "I fucked up." 

"Not your fault, darling."

"Not yours either, angel." 

Aziraphale nodded. "Did you...um...clean the shop up?" 

"I did," Crowley replied. The angel nodded again and sat back down. He took his demon's hand and squeezed reassuringly.

~*~

It would be another couple of weeks before Aziraphale felt ready to attempt to return to his bookshop. When he did, Crowley watched him avoid the backroom like it was a plague that would affect him if he even stepped foot near it. 

Crowley didn't push him, not wanting to trigger a bad memory and have his angel falling apart again. Aziraphale may not have been back to his old self, not even close. But as the days and weeks passed by, the angel slowly seemed to let himself get back to a sense of normalcy. 

Within a month, he had asked Crowley to take him out to lunch at the Ritz again, and after, they took a walk hand in hand at the park. The demon knew that Aziraphale's depression still bothered him, but he had found some books about rape recovery that he had read and then had Aziraphale read as well.

At first it had seemed the angel had taken a step back in his recovery, becoming more distant and secluded after reading them. But Crowley was able to slowly coax his angel out of it. 

It was still another few weeks before Aziraphale allowed Crowley to kiss him on the lips. They started slow. Just quick, chaste, pecks. The demon was always careful to properly judge the angel's emotions before he kissed him, refusing to do so if he felt any hint of doubt or anxiety. 

Three months after his ordeal, Aziraphale walked into Crowley's bedroom after having finished eating his dinner. The demon was lounging in the bed, wearing pajamas and watching TV. "I-I think I'm ready, dear," the angel whispered, briefly meeting golden, confused eyes before looking away and biting his lip. 

There was a hint of nervousness that Crowley picked up on but it wasn't much. "Ready?" he asked gently. 

"For...you know," Aziraphale said, gesturing toward the bed. "Sex…" 

"Oh!" Crowley jumped up and then moved over. He patted the bed next to him. "I've read about what to do when you were ready. Come here, angel." He held his arms out and Aziraphale slowly approached him. 

The angel sat down beside the demon. Crowley took his hands. "Are you absolutely sure you're ready for this, love?" 

"Yes," Aziraphale said. "I've been thinking about this for a while now. I just needed to work up the courage to ask you." 

"Why? You know I'd give you anything you want and more." 

The angel looked away again. "Because I was worried that you would not want me anymore...at least sexually...after Ga-Gabriel."

"That's not true, Aziraphale," Crowley assured him. "I've always wanted you and that has and will never change." He squeezed his hand. 

"Well, then…" the angel gave his demon a nervous smile. "Better get a wiggle on." He leaned over and kissed Crowley passionately, which was a bit of a surprise to the demon. After his initial shock at the sudden display of desire from Aziraphale, he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into the bed.

They went slow and Aziraphale never complained or protested once. Crowley quickly found out that his angel was quite, in fact, ready for this. He just had a couple of small requests to which Crowley was happy to oblige. One was that they do it while facing each other. The other was that the demon allow him to be the one who moved inside of him. This didn't surprise Crowley, even though he generally was not a bottom, he let Aziraphale have this one. He knew that the angel would be most comfortable this way and Crowley didn't touch him anywhere that Aziraphale didn't signal that he wanted to be touched. 

When he finally reached his climax, Crowley held him close. The tears came and Aziraphale sobbed happy tears into his chest as he came down from his orgasm. "Good, my love?" The demon caressed the angel's flushed face. 

"Very." Aziraphale lifted his head and pressed a tender and loving kiss to the demon's lips. "I love you, Crowley." 

"I love you too, Aziraphale." 

Although things weren't perfect and his angel still had a long way to go before he recovered from everything, Crowley knew that he would be okay. No one would ever hurt his angel again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed my first venture in Good Omens.


End file.
